Drawing near the huge chair with a reverent air,
With knee lowly bent, hand on heart, and head bare,
"Quite delighted, I'm sure," so Puss courteously spake,
"The acquaintance of one so distinguished to make,
For skill that's gigantic in arts necromantic,
Whose fame—not to speak it in terms sycophantic—
Is driving with envy all wizards quite frantic,
European, or Asian, or e'en Transatlantic!"
Here Puss bowed again with a courtier-like antic.
Even wizards, I fear, or so 't would appear,
Cannot always, unmoved, artful flattery hear.
The Ogre said, "Ugh!
Pray who are you?
In return for these compliments what can I do?
For since I'm not vain, it seems pretty plain
You would not tell me this without some hope of gain."
Says Pussy, "Quite right—you 're very polite—
Of your magical powers I'd fain have a sight.
There's one now report says is yours, the which borders
On what is impossible." "Pray give your orders,
And I 'll open your eyes with a little surprise,
And prove that report does not always tell lies."
"Well, since you're so kind—what a wonderful dodge I call
Is the power of assuming all shapes zoological—
Ape, bear, lion, elephant, wolf, hippopotamus
(The latter a beast
Scarcely known in the least
Till the Pacha of Egypt obliging got 'em us),
Tiger, peccary, leopard, gnu, paradoxurus;
Or e'en if you wish
A bird or a fish—
The penguin, for instance, or Buckland's silurus."
Said the Ogre, "He! he!
You quickly shall see—
That's only child's-play to a wizard like me!"
So without more ado, hands and knees on he sunk,
His ears turned to flaps, and his nose to a trunk,
And his form all at once took so quickly to swelling,
He threatened to knock off the roof of his dwelling.
"Bravo!" cried the cat; "that's capital, that!
You 're almost as big as the Heidelberg vat!
But can you now, please, with just as much ease
Into smaller dimensions at once yourself squeeze?
Say, turn from the elephant, big as the house,
Sans any embarrassment, into a mouse?"
Bulk, big legs, and trunk
Immediately shrunk!
In three seconds—no more—
Was a mouse on the floor
Where the elephant stood but an instant before.
At one bound, quick as thought,
That mouse Pussy caught,
And before any aid from his charms could be sought,
Or help could be had from the spirits who followed him,
Had given the magician one grip—and then swallowed him!
Then back to the door
Puss hastened once more,
Just in time to receive the state carriage and four.
He helped to descend
His master and friend,
Who was still in bewilderment how it would end,
And proceeded to bring
The Princess and the King
Through all the grand rooms,
Where pages and grooms—
Who were glad with the Marquis their old situations
To hold in the castle—made low salutations.
To cut my tale short,
They returned to the court,
And, since nobody wished their attachment to thwart,
The young folks were married,
And he his bride carried
To his castle, where happily ever they tarried;
And the cat was provided—
The King so decided—
With a cushion of silk
And a gallon of milk
Every day of his life till the day that he died-ed.
I 've only to add
The fortunate lad
Sent and fetched his two brothers so cruel and bad,
And recalling the past
To their memory, at' last
Told his present good fortune, which made them aghast;
And then, bidding them better in future behave them,
To be nobly revenged on them both—he forgave them!
CINDERELLA
THERE once was a Baron who dwelt at the top
Of a rock by the Rhine,
Whence, whene'er he'd incline,
Upon travellers that way he was ready to drop,
And lighten their purses—
Which brought many curses
On the head of the Baron of Snitherumpopp
For a practice, which now
We shouldn't allow,
And, in fact, the police would immediately stop.
Hard by where the Bar(i)on *
These strange tricks did carry on
There lived a young Prince, who by flourish of clarion
Proclaimed unto all, both great folks and small,
He intended to give a great banquet and ball—
Or, to use modern language, a spread and a hop:—
'T was good news for the daughters of Snitherumpopp.
For the Baron, you see, had daughters three,
The two eldest as ugly as ugly can be,
And prouder than Lucifer—(no! I must scratch
That through. For they'd waited so long for a catch,
It's not true that their pride was above any match)—
But the youngest was fair, with beautiful hair;
Her sisters looked on her with rage and despair;
And that they'd have no chance they declared past a doubt,
If that "forward young minx" was allowed to "come out."
* At this new mode of spelling the word don't feel shy—
I have seen a Baron with more than one eye!
So for fear of her beauty their lovers bewitching,
They compelled her to stop
In that wretched cook's-shop
Which is—by its own denizens—christened the "kitching."
In clothes very mean they compelled her to clean
Pots, kettles, and pans—implements de cuisine.
In her pa's worn-out gloves
She polished the stoves,
Poker, shovel, and tongs, and whatever belongs
To the role of what Stubbs * calls "say po-vers onfongs,"
The General Servants—or Maids-of-All-Work,
Though this last is a name they seem anxious to shirk,
Or at least as a rule in advertisements burke.
Though far from robust, she'd to sweep and to dust,
And to see dinner cooked, when skewered rightly or trussed,
(Though dining herself off a scrap and a crust,
While if aught turned out wrong by her pa she was cussed)
Not to mention, en passant, the fact that she must
Chairs and tables adjust; and, from last unto fust,
See that all things were clean from dirt, mildew, or rust.
(For this last she used paper, which is, unless memory
Deserts this poor brain altogether, called Emery.)
[N.B. Any doubt on the point to enlighten,
I don't mean the actor, although he's a bright 'un.]
When the ball was announced, off the two sisters bounced
To send their best dresses to have them re-flounced,
And soon became clawers from various drawers
Of fans, flowers, gloves (by the shopman styled "strawers"),
Trimmings, ribbons, and laces, to add to the graces
Of their very poor forms and their very poor faces.
* Of scenes continental Poor Stubbs has been viewer
But once, though he speaks of his trip as "mong two-er."
I must own that they were (since plain speaking de rigueur 's)
What tradesmen denominate "marked in plain figures!"
One routs out a scarf, one contrives to unearth a
Compound of tulle And ribbons which you 'll
Hear described by your sister or wife as a Bertha.
The eldest's inclined to declare for a tarlatane,
Either an emerald green or a scarlet 'un,
With a silk under-petticoat known as a slip;
While the second decides double skirts are "the tip."
(What "the tip" means you know, though one can't see the point of it.
I'd not use the slang, save that rhyme makes a joint of it.)
At last draws near the festal day!
The ball's to last three nights, they say.
What a hustle and bustle—oh, dear! what a fuss 'll
Be made when the ball-dresses whisper and rustle,
I 'll warrant that scuffle
And noise quite enough 'll
Be made when along the oak floors their feet shuffle,
While the band are all playing as hard as they 're able
The popular waltz of the season—the "Mabel."
While her unprepossessing
Two sisters are dressing,
Cinderella to do all the work, I'm afraid, is made,
Not only of general servant, but lady's maid.
She lays out the robes by which each so much store sets,
Takes things down to air,
Cleans their shoes, curls their hair,
Pins their sleeves, hooks their dresses, and laces their corsets.
And now they're both drest,—each, looking her best,
Is prepared to become at the Prince's a guest.
They 're gone! And yet neither her thanks has conveyed
To poor Cinderella for lending her aid;
They 've not wished her good-night—they have not even kist her,
Though for once they 've allowed her to act as assister.
She could not but feel it, her heart being tender,
So she sat down and had a good cry on the fender;
When—as good Mrs. Brown,
Of world-wide renown,
Whose figures of speech may, without any bosh,
Be described as "the things that come home from the wash,"
Says—"All of a suddin"
The room was a flood in
Of light! Cinderella, surprised, said, "Oh, Jim'ni!
The soot must have caught and set fire to the chimney!
But no! t' was not so!
The beautiful glow
Was not due to an accident—quite the contrairy—
Altogether another affair,—and a fairy!
Cinderella had got what now-a-day not
Very often has fallen to any one's lot,
As I fancy you can't but instantly grant
When you learn it's a fairy by way of an aunt.
This benevolent fay has called in, in this way
To hear what her favourite niece has to say,
And to send her, if any desire she evinces
To share in the fun, to the ball at the Prince's.
When she said, "Will you go?" she didn't say, "No!"
But answered, "Just shouldn't I, aunt!" adding, "Oh!
How I wish I'd a ball-dress—one fit for a belle—a
White muslin with tucks!" "So you shall, Cinderella.
But first we must get you an equipage proper.
You'll find some black-beetles down there by the copper;
There's a rat in the trap, and some mice, too, mayhap,
And there's also a lizard, a little green chap,
On the grass-plot before the scullery door.
Bring them here, there's a dear. Stay, I want one thing more—
A pumpkin! And yonder I see, if my eyes
Don't deceive me, a pumpkin exactly the size!"
Cinderella soon sought the things out, and brought
To her aunt, who, by magic as rapid as thought,
Turned the beetles to pages, and made of the rat
A coachman, all powder, bouquet, and laced hat.
As for the mice, they became in a trice
Eight cream-coloured galloways, worth any price;
And the lizard—she made that most active of friskers
A footman!—with livery, calves, and big whiskers.
"And now, dear," said she,
"For a coach we must see!
Now pumpkins—some fry 'em, some boil 'em, some stew 'em,
But no one before ever made one a brougham." *
[Original Size] -- [Medium-Size]
At once—although strange you may fancy the change,
And think I am drawing a bow at long range-
The pumpkin (of that as cock-sure as a bantam I'm)
Turned to a coach like a trick in a pantomime.
Then the worthy old fay touched her niece's array—
Rags and tatters all vanished at once quite away,
And, lo! in their lieu, she appeared to the view
In a ball-dress of fashion the newest of new!
She'd such lovely jewels-
The thought of them cruel's!-
Not at Hancock's, or Ryder's, or H. Emmanuel's,
Or the shops of some forty more-
(Say Storr and Mortimore,
Hunt and Roskell, or any besides of the many
Where on things of the sort you may spend a nice penny)-
* No! But at the Adelphi some folks "I 've heard tell on"
Are often quite carried away by a Mellon.
Could you ever procure such pearls, diamonds, and top az:
I very much doubt if their equal the Pope has;
Though there are (so I've read in a newspaper par.) a
Good many gems in the papal tiara!
But what sort of shoes had the sweet Cinderella-
Polished leather, white satin, French kid, or prunella?
No! not one of those hid her dear little toes.
She wore—can't you guess?—now what do you suppose?—
She wore—come, you know what she had pour ses souliers?—
She wore—as A. Ward would remark, 't was "pekoolier"—
She wore, to be brief, then, a pair of glass slippers,
And what vulgar rapture calls "regular clippers!"
"And now," said her aunt, "your sisters may flaunt,
And fancy they 'll catch the young Prince—but they shan't!
There's one thing, however, I'm anxious to mention-
And I beg you will give to my words your attention:
If you stop at the ball till the hours that are small,
Your jewels and finery'll vanish—that's all!
So when twelve's drawing near be careful, my dear,
And to get away safely take five minutes clear.
Yes; at five minutes to, pray take your adieu,
Or something may happen you 'll long have to rue!"
Cinderella, quite charmed with her gorgeous array,
Scarce had patience to hear what her aunt had to say,
But the moment she seemed to be making an end to it,
Kissed her, and promised she'd strictly attend to it!
Cinderella steps into her carriage and eight,
Tantara-tantara-ta!
With coachman, and footmen, and pages of state,
She is driven away to the Prince's grand gate.
Tantara-tantara-ta!
Oh, didn't they think she was somebody great!
Tantara-tantara-ta!
The Prince's Lord Chamberlain rushed to the door,
Tantara-tantara-ta!
And bowed very low that fair lady before,
While retainers and guards crowded round by the score,
Tantara-tantara-ta!
And even the solemn old porter said, "Lor!"
Tantara-tantara-ta!
The Prince, when he heard all the hubbub and din,
Tantara-tantara-ta!
Came down the grand staircase, and held out his fin
To the fair Cinderella, and welcomed her in,
Tantara-tantara-ta!
And a very sweet smile was so blest as to win.
Tantara-tantara-ta!
He leads her to the ball-room. As they enter,
At once all eyes on Cinderella centre.
Each noble of the land, well-born or grand,
Desires the honour of her tiny hand.
The women all are on the hooks styled tenter
To learn who she can be,
Though "really they can't see"-
Like female jealousy there's no fermenter
For turning tempers naturally placid
Into a bitterly corrosive acid-
"What all the men could find in her to praise-
They'd ne'er met one more plain in all their days.
Her clothes were fine,
And did with jewels shine,
But then, you know, they'd probably been lent her."
What need to enlarge?—It appears woman's duty
To differ from us upon questions of beauty.