At a public dinner, Mr. R——, the person alluded to, being present, had his health proposed and cordially drunk, as "the first white man born west of the Alleghany." Now Mr. R—— happening to be very dark-complexioned, a waggish countryman of mine, who was seated next to him, could not help adding, with a sly air, having repeated the toast, "and not particularly white either."
"Why that's very true," returned the subject of this jest, with much good-humour; "and the reason assigned for the exceeding redness of my skin is in itself not a little illustrative of the late condition of our country, which is, in fact, the true subject of this toast.
"Shortly after my father had located his family on the Ohio, my mother was, whilst in the act of fetching water from the stream a little way outside the stockade within which our dwelling stood, startled by the near whoop of an Indian warrior, and, on raising her head, perceived close beside her a chief of the neighbouring tribe; she instantly fled like a deer; and, being young and active, gained the shelter of the stockade, within which, however, she fell exhausted, but was so preserved. Some time after I was ushered into life; and the darkness of my complexion was always referred to the chance of my mother having been thus frightened and followed by the young Indian."
"And a mighty natural mode of accounting for the same," replied Pat; adding with a most provoking air of simplicity, "but may I ask did you ever hear your poor mother say whether the Indian overtook her or not?"
The last night I acted here was made memorable by the jovial condition of a couple of the leading members of the corps dramatic, and as it chanced, diplomatic. The play was "The Irish Ambassador," and the first news I had of my principal colleague, his Excellency the representative of his most Catholic Majesty, was, that he had arrived, but in a state unfit for our purposed conference, having been rendered utterly incapable by an imprudent application of gin cock-tail, prescribed, as his Excellency himself assured me with tears in his eyes, as a sovereign remedy for a disorganized state of nerves, to which he was unhappily subject.
An excuse was made for the unavoidable absence of the Spanish minister, on the score of ill-health; and the indulgence of the meeting requested for one of the attachés, who had boldly undertaken to read the absent diplomatist's instructions at first sight. This point got over, we proceeded smoothly, as might be expected, until the period when his Highness the Grand-duke was required in person, when it became evident that, through sympathy or some cause less sentimental, the Prince too was royally rocky: availing himself of his rank however, he made shift to reach a chair, and, aided by the support it afforded, maintained his place at the conference.
Nothing could exceed the charitable forbearance with which this republican assemblage looked upon the fallen condition of royalty: whether they judged that it was no way out of character for a German sovereign and the possessor of a hock-cellar to be fuddled, or whether they considered that this was no bad specimen of royalty to exhibit to their children's contempt, I know not; but, happily, the signs of their displeasure fell lightly on his Highness, and our negotiation was at length, though lamely, brought to a conclusion.
On Tuesday the 8th of April, at eight o'clock P.M. I once more took my place in the Good Intent, to re-cross the Alleghanies; when, turning our backs upon the River of Beauty, we slowly traversed the dark streets of its sooty neighbour; for, strange to tell, although the material for gas lies at their doors in exhaustless abundance, and although they use a great quantity of coal-coke for manufacturing purposes, the streets remain as dark as the extremity of their deepest mine on a holiday.
This too, I found upon inquiry, was by the good citizens laid to the account of the "removal of the deposits." "It is enough," they say, "for one side to originate a question, however obviously excellent and desirable, to have the antagonist party oppose it, and make the measure a new watchword to try battle on."
I was informed of one spirited individual having offered to light the place with gas on his own risk, but, as a matter of course, he was immediately opposed by both parties; and so matters will rest, until the good people, wearied of being kept in the dark, open the eyes of their divided corporation; and in those days will the Pittsburgians cease to walk in darkness, and become what, considering the quantity of coal they possess, they are well entitled to be,—a gas-enlightened community.