"HILARIA, of the Parish of St. Giles's in the Fields, a Coquet of long Practice, was by the Reprimand of an old Maiden reduced to look grave in Company, and deny her self the Play of the Fan. In short, she was brought to such Melancholy Circumstances, that she would sometimes unawares fall into Devotion at Church. I advis'd her to take a few innocent Freedoms with occasional Kisses, prescribed her the Exercise of the Eyes, and immediately raised her to her former State of Life. She on a sudden recovered her Dimples, furled her Fan, threw round her Glances, and for these two Sundays last past has not once been seen in an attentive Posture. This the Church-Wardens are ready to attest upon Oath.
"ANDREW TERROR, of the Middle-Temple, Mohock, was almost induced by an aged Bencher of the same House to leave off bright Conversation, and pore over Cook upon Littleton. He was so ill that his Hat began to flap, and he was seen one Day in the last Term at Westminster-Hall. This Patient had quite lost his Spirit of Contradiction; I, by the Distillation of a few of my vivifying Drops in his Ear, drew him from his Lethargy, and restored him to his usual vivacious Misunderstanding. He is at present very easie in his Condition.
"I will not dwell upon the Recital of the innumerable Cures I have performed within Twenty Days last past; but rather proceed to exhort all Persons, of whatever Age, Complexion or Quality, to take as soon as possible of this my intellectual Oyl; which applied at the Ear seizes all the Senses with a most agreeable Transport, and discovers its Effects, not only to the Satisfaction of the Patient, but all who converse with, attend upon, or any way relate to him or her that receives the kindly Infection. It is often administered by Chamber-Maids, Valets, or any the most ignorant Domestick; it being one peculiar Excellence of this my Oyl, that 'tis most prevalent, the more unskilful the Person is or appears who applies it. It is absolutely necessary for Ladies to take a Dose of it just before they take Coach to go a visiting.
"But I offend the Publick, as Horace said, when I trespass on any of your Time. Give me leave then, Mr. Ironside, to make you a Present of a Drachm or two of my Oyl; though I have Cause to fear my Prescriptions will not have the Effect upon you I could wish: Therefore I do not endeavour to bribe you in my Favour by the Present of my Oyl, but wholly depend upon your Publick Spirit and Generosity; which, I hope, will recommend to the World the useful Endeavours of,
"Sir,
"Your most Obedient, most Faithful, most Devoted, most Humble Servant and Admirer,
"GNATHO.
"***Beware of Counterfeits, for such are abroad.
"N.B. I teach the Arcana of my Art at reasonable Rates to Gentlemen of the Universities, who desire to be qualified for writing Dedications; and to young Lovers and Fortune-hunters, to be paid at the Day of Marriage. I instruct Persons of bright Capacities to flatter others, and those of the meanest to flatter themselves.
"I was the first Inventor of Pocket Looking-Glasses."