PARDONER. Truly I am a pardoner.
PALMER. Truly a pardoner! that may be true;
But a true pardoner doth not ensue.
Right seldom is it seen, or never,
That truth and pardoners dwell together,
For be your pardons never so great,
Yet them to enlarge ye will not let
With such lies that ofttimes, Christ wot,
Ye seem to have that ye have not.
Wherefore I went myself to the self thing
In every place and without saying:
Had as much pardon there assuredly,
As ye can promise me here doubtfully.
Howbeit, I think ye do but scoff:[373]
But if ye had all the pardon ye speak[374] of,
And no whit of pardon granted
In any place where I have haunted:
Yet of my labour I nothing repent;
God hath respect how each time is spent;
And as in his knowledge all is regarded,
So by his goodness all is rewarded.
PARDONER. By the[375] first part of this last tale,
It seemeth ye came of late[376] from the ale.
For reason on your side so far doth fail,
That ye leave reasoning,[377] and begin to rail.
Wherein you[378] forget your own part clearly,
For you[379] be as untrue as I:
And in one point ye are beyond me,
For you[380] may lie by authority,
And all that have[381] wandered so far,
That no man can be their controller.
And where you[382] esteem your labour so much,
I say yet again my pardons are[383] such,
That if there were a thousand souls on a heap,
I would bring them to heaven as good cheap.[384]
As ye have brought yourself on pilgrimage,
In the least[385] quarter of your voyage,
Which is[386] far a side heaven, by God:
There your labour and pardon is odd.
With small cost and without any pain,
These pardons bring[387] them to heaven plain;
Give me but a penny or two pence,
And as soon as the soul departeth hence,
In half-an-hour, or threequarters at the most,
The soul is in heaven with the Holy Ghost.
'POTHECARY. Send ye any souls to heaven by water?
PARDONER. If we do,[388] sir, what is the matter?
'POTHECARY. By God, I have a dry soul should thither;
I pray you let our souls go to heaven together,
So busy you twain be in soul's health;
May not a 'pothecary come in by stealth?
Yes, that I will,[389] by St Anthony,
And, by the leave of this company,
Prove ye false knaves both, ere[390] we go,
In part of your sayings, as this, lo!
Thou by thy travail thinkest heaven to get:
And thou by pardons and relics countest no let,[391]
To send thine own soul to heaven sure;
And all other whom thou list to procure.
If I took an action, then were they blank;
For like thieves the knaves[392] rob away my thank.
All souls in heaven having relief,
Shall they thank your crafts? nay, thank mine chief.
No soul, ye know, entereth heaven-gate,
Till from the body he be separate:
And whom have ye known die honestly,[393]
Without help of the 'pothecary?
Nay, all that cometh to our handling,
Except ye happen to come to hanging;
That way perchance ye shall not mister[394]
To go to heaven without a glister.
But be ye sure I would be woe,[395]
If[396] ye should chance to beguile me so.
As good to lie with me a-night,
As hang abroad in the moonlight.
There is no choice to flee my hand,
But, as I said, into the band.
Since of our souls the multitude
I send to heaven, when all is viewed,
Who should but I then altogether
Have thank of all their coming thither?
PARDONER. If ye killed a thousand in an hour's space,
When come they to heaven dying out of grace?[397]
'POTHECARY. If a thousand pardons about your necks were tied,
When come they to heaven, if they never died?
PALMER. Long life after good works indeed
Doth hinder man's receipt of mead;
And death before one duty done,
May make us think we die too soon.
Yet better tarry a thing than[398] have it;
Than go too soon, and vainly crave it.
PARDONER. The longer ye dwell in communication,
The less shall ye like this imagination.
For ye[399] may perceive, even at the first chop,
Your tale is trapped in such a stop.
That at the least ye seem worse than we.