ACTUS III., SCAENA 2.
SIR RADERIC and RECORDER.
SIR RADERIC. Hark you, Master Recorder: I have fleshed my prodigal boy notably, notably, in letting him deal for this living; that hath done him much good, much good, I assure you.
RECORDER.
You do well, Sir Raderic, to bestow your living upon such an one as will
be content to share, and on Sunday to say nothing; whereas your proud
university princox thinks he is a man of such merit the world cannot
sufficiently endow him with preferment. An unthankful viper, an
unthankful viper, that will sting the man that revived him.
Why, is't not strange to see a ragged clerk
Some stamel weaver or some butcher's son,
That scrubb'd a-late within a sleeveless gown,
When the commencement, like a morris-dance,
Hath put a bell or two about his legs,
Created him a sweet clean gentleman;
How then he 'gins to follow fashions:
He, whose thin sire dwells in a smoky roof,
Must take tobacco, and must wear a lock;
His thirsty dad drinks in a wooden bowl,
But his sweet self is serv'd in silver plate.
His hungry sire will scrape you twenty legs
For one good Christmas meal on New-Year's day,
But his maw must be capon-cramm'd each day;
He must ere long be triple-beneficed,
Else with his tongue he'll thunderbolt the world,
And shake each peasant by his deaf man's ear.
But, had the world no wiser men than I,
We'd pen the prating parrots in a cage.
A chair, a candle, and a tinder-box,
A thacked[96] chamber and a ragged gown,
Should be their lands and whole possessions;
Knights, lords, and lawyers should be lodg'd and dwell
Within those over-stately heaps of stone,
Which doating sires in old age did erect.
Well, it were to be wished, that never a scholar in England might have
above forty pound a year.
SIR RADERIC. Faith, Master Recorder, if it went by wishing, there should never an one of them all have above twenty a year—a good stipend, a good stipend, Master Recorder. I in the meantime, howsoever I hate them all deadly, yet I am fain to give them good words. O, they are pestilent fellows, they speak nothing but bodkins, and piss vinegar. Well, do what I can in outward kindness to them, yet they do nothing but bewray my house: as there was one that made a couple of knavish verses on my country chimney, now in the time of my sojourning here at London; and it was thus— Sir Raderic keeps no chimney cavalier, That takes tobacco above once a year. And another made a couple of verses on my daughter, that learns to play on the viol-de-gambo— Her viol-de-gambo is her best content; For 'twixt her legs she holds her instrument. Very knavish, very knavish, if you look into it, Master Recorder. Nay, they have played many a knavish trick beside with me. Well, 'tis a shame, indeed, there should be any such privilege for proud beggars as Cambridge and Oxford are. But let them go; and if ever they light in my hands, if I do not plague them, let me never return home again to see my wife's waiting-maid!
RECORDER.
This scorn of knights is too egregious:
But how should these young colts prove amblers,
When the old, heavy, galled jades do trot?
There shall you see a puny boy start up,
And make a theme against common lawyers;
Then the old, unwieldy camels 'gin to dance,
This fiddling boy playing a fit of mirth;
The greybeards scrub, and laugh, and cry, Good, good!
To them again, boy; scourge the barbarians.
But we may give the losers leave to talk;
We have the coin, then tell them laugh for me.
Yet knights and lawyers hope to see the day,
When we may share here their possessions,
And make indentures of their chaffer'd skins,
Dice of their bones to throw in merriment.
SIR RADERIC.
O, good faith, Master Recorder, if I could see that day once?
RECORDER. Well, remember another day what I say: scholars are pryed into of late, and are found to be busy fellows, disturbers of the peace. I'll say no more; guess at my meaning. I smell a rat.
SIR RADERIC. I hope at length England will be wise enough, I hope so, i'faith; then an old knight may have his wench in a corner without any satires or epigrams. But the day is far spent, Master Recorder; and I fear by this time the unthrift is arrived at the place appointed in Moorfields. Let us hasten to him. [He looks on his watch.
RECORDER. Indeed, this day's subject transported us too late: [but] I think we shall not come much too late.