Oliver. Why, then, we'll chop it up.
Taf. That's not allowed,
Unless you were son to a Welsh curate.
But faith, sir knight, I have a kind of itching
To be a lady; that, I can tell you, wooes,
And can persuade with better rhetoric
Than oaths, wit, wealth, valour, lands, or person:
I have some debts at Court, and, marrying you,
I hope the courtiers will not stick to pay me.
Oliver. Never fear thy payment. This I will say
For courtiers, they'll be sure to pay each other,
Howe'er they deal with citizens.
Taf. Then here's my hand;
I am your wife, condition we be joined
Before to-morrow's sun.
Oliver. Nay, even to-night,
So you be pleas'd. With little warning, widow,
We old men can be ready, and thou shalt see,
Before the time that chanticleer
Shall call, and tell the day is near:
When wenches, lying on their backs,
Receive with joy their love-stol'n smacks;
When maids, awak'd from their first sleep,
Deceiv'd with dreams, begin to weep,
And think, if dreams such pleasure know,
What sport the substance them would show;
When a lady 'gins[400] white limbs to spread,
Her love but new-stol'n to her bed,
His cotton shoes yet scarce put off,
And dares not laugh, speak, sneeze, or cough;
When precise dames begin to think,
Why their gross louring[401] husbands stink;
What pleasure 'twere then to enjoy,
A nimble vicar or a boy;
Before this time thou shalt behold
Me quaffing out our bridal bowl[402].
Adri. Then, belike, before the morning sun
You will be coupled?
Taf. Yes, faith, Adriana.
Adri. Well, I will look you shall have a clean smock,
Provided that you pay the fee, Sir Oliver.
Since my mistress, sir, will be a lady,
I'll lose no fees due to the waiting-maid.
Oliver. Why, is there a fee belonging to it?
Adri. A knight, and never heard of smock-fees?
I would I had the monopoly of them,
So there were no impost set upon them.