OCTAVIA: However much I may endure the inevitable, never can my misfortunes be ended except by sorrowful death. With a mother murdered and a father removed through crime, deprived of a brother, overwhelmed by my woes and grief, distasteful to my husband, and submissive to my slaves, I do not enjoy a pleasant life. My heart is always trembling, not from fear of death—to die would be a joy—but from dread of crime[20] of which I hope I may never be accused. For it is a punishment worse than death for me in my misery to see those swollen features and to endure the fierce glances of a tyrant[21] and the kisses of an enemy, not even whose courteous nod I cannot endure after the murder of my brother[22] whose empire the wicked assassin rules and over which he rejoices. How often the sorrowful apparition of my brother appears to my vision when quiet relaxes my limbs and sleep weighs down my eyes wearied by weeping. Now he arms his feeble hands with smoky torches and with hostile intent seeks the presence of his own brother;[23] now in fear and trembling he flees into my apartment; his enemy follows and violently pierces us with his sword as we cling together.
Then tremulous dread drives away sleep and renews my wretched sorrow and fear. Besides all these woes, there is the haughty mistress[24] resplendent with the spoils of our home—the mistress whose son rewarded her by placing her upon that fatal bark.[25] More cruel than the waves of the sea, he destroyed[26] her by his sword after the failure of the shipwreck in the peaceful waters. After such a great crime, how can I hope to escape? A victorious and unfriendly woman[27] threatens my marriage couch. Burning with hatred toward me, she demands, as a reward for her dishonor, the head of the lawful wife. Come forth from the shades and aid thy appealing daughter, father,[28] or open the Stygian depths to the sundered earth whither I may be borne headlong.
NURSE: In vain, wretched daughter, dost thou invoke the spirit of thy father who in the lower world has no thought for his child. He could prefer the progeny of foreign blood[29] to his own son and he married in disgraceful nuptials the daughter of his own brother.[30] From thence is begun a long series of crime, murder, treachery, desire for dominion, and thirst for royal blood. The noble son-in-law[31] was betrayed by his wife’s father and perished in the bridal chamber lest he become powerful by his union with thee. Alas, that such a crime should be! Silanus, given as a reward to Agrippina who falsely accused him, has taken his own life. Then there entered the conquered home the hostile son-in-law[32] and yet an own son, a youth of infamous genius, capable of any crime, and influenced by the wily stepmother who gave him to thee in marriage although thou wast timid and reluctant.
This fierce and victorious woman, carried away by her great success, has dared to menace the sacred empire of the world. Who can recall the many crimes, and infamous desires, and beguiling treachery of a woman who seeks power through the steps of every crime? Then sacred Loyalty fled with trembling step; cruel Erinys with deadly tread entered the deserted halls, polluted with baneful fires the sacred Penates, violated Justice, and broke every law of Nature. The unnatural wife mixed poison for her husband; he perished; then soon, she, too, fell by the hand of her own son. Thou, too, art fallen, Britannicus, unhappy youth whom we forever mourn, recently the star of the universe and the protector of a mighty home; now, woe to me, thou art only light ashes and a sorrowful shade. Even the cruel stepmother shed tears when I placed thy body upon the funeral pyre and when the cruel flame played round thy godlike limbs and features.[33]
OCTAVIA: Let it destroy me too lest this tyrant perish by my hand.
NURSE: Nature has not given such strength to thee.
OCTAVIA: Grief, sadness, misery, anguish, and mourning will give it.