April 22nd. We’ve begun school again. Dora and I generally walk to school together since she does not go to the Latin lesson now because it was too great a strain for her. The specialist Mother took her to see wanted her to give up studying altogether, but she absolutely refuses to do that. But I’m very furious with her; she’s learning Latin in secret. When I came into the room the day before yesterday she was writing out words and she shut her book quickly instead of saying openly and honestly: Rita, don’t tell Father and Mother that I’m still studying in the evening: “I trust your word.” She could trust me perfectly well. There are plenty of things I could tell if I liked! Perhaps she fancies that I don’t see that the tall fair man always follows us to school in the morning. Hella has noticed him too, besides he is frightfully bald and must be at least 30. And I’m certain she would not talk as much as she does to Hella and me if it were not that she wants to talk about that. But this deceitfulness annoys me frightfully. Otherwise we are now quite intimate with one another.
April 24th. We went to confession and communion to-day. I do hate confession; though it’s never happened to me what many girls have told me, even girls in the Fifth. No priest has ever asked me about the 6th commandment; all they’ve asked is: In thought, word, or deed? Still, I do hate going to confession, and so does Dora. It’s much nicer for Hella as a Protestant for they have no confession. And at communion I’m always terrified that the host might drop out of my mouth. That would be awful. I expect one would be immediately excommunicated as a heretic. Dora was not allowed to come to confession and com., Father would not let her. She must not go out without her breakfast.
April 26th. In the Third there really is a girl who dropped the host out of her mouth. There was a frightful row about it. She said it was not her fault the priest’s hand shook so. It’s quite true, he was very old, and that is why I’m always afraid it will happen to me. It’s much better when the priest is young, because then that can never happen. Father says that the girl won’t be excommunicated for this, and luckily one of her uncles is a distinguished prelate. He is her guardian too. That will help her out.
April 27th. To-day we got to know this girl in the interval. She is awfully nice and she says she really did not do it on purpose for she is frightfully pious and perhaps she’s going to be a nun. I am pious too, we go to church nearly every Sunday, but I would not go into a convent, not I. Dora says people generally do that when they’ve been crossed in love, because then the world seems empty and hateful. She looked so frightfully sentimental that I said: Seems to me you’ve a fancy that way yourself? Then she said: “No, thank goodness, I’ve no reason for that.” Of course what she meant was that she was not crossed in love but the other way. No doubt the tall man in the mornings. I looked hard at her for a long time and said: “I congratulate you on your good fortune. But Hella and I wish he was not bald,” then she said with an astonished air: “Bald? What are you talking about, he has the lofty brow of a thinker.”
27th. To-day Mademoiselle came for the first time. I have forgotten to say that Dora has to go out every day for two hours to sit and walk in the sunshine. Since Mother is not very well and can’t walk much, we’ve engaged the Mad. Father says that when I have time I must go too “as a precautionary measure.” I don’t like the idea at all, it’s much too dull; besides I have simply no time. Mad. is coming 3 times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I have my music lesson, so I can’t go; so Finis and Jubilation! That’s what Oswald always says at the end of the year and at the end of term. Still, she’s very pretty, has fair curly hair, huge grey eyes with black lashes and eyebrows, but she speaks so fast that I can’t understand all she says. On the other 3 days an Englishwoman is to come, but we have not got one yet, they are all so expensive. It does seem funny to me to get a salary for going out with grown up girls, that’s only an amusement. With regular tomboys, such as we saw last year in Rathaus Park, it would be different. As for the French or English conversation! If they did not want to talk what would it matter? And besides why should one want to talk either French or English, it’s so stupid.
April 28th. The Richters were here to-day, and the eldest son came too, the lieutenant from Lemberg; he is awfully handsome and made hot love to Dora; Walter is very nice too, he is at the School of Forestry in Modling; to-morrow the lieutenant is going to bring Dora one of Tolstoi’s books to read. Then they will do some music together, she piano and he violin; it’s a pity I can’t play as well as Dora yet. At Whitsuntide Walter is coming too and Viktor (that means conqueror) is on furlough for 6 months, because he’s ill, or because he is said to be ill; for one does not look like that when one is really ill.
May 4th. Lieutenant R. is always coming here, he must be frightfully smitten with Dora. But Father won’t have it at any price. He said to Dora to-day:
“You get this gay young spark out of your head; he is no good. But at sight of a uniform there is no holding you girls. I’ve no objection to you doing music together for an hour or two; but this perpetual running to and fro with books and notes is all humbug.”
May 6th. Lieutenant R. walks with us, that is with Dora, to school every day. He is supposed to lie in bed late every morning, for he is really ill but for Dora’s sake he gets up frightfully early and comes over from Heitzing and waits in —— Street. Of course I go on alone with Hella and we all meet In —— Street, so that no one shall notice anything at school.
May 13th. To-morrow is Mother’s birthday and Viktor (when I am talking about him to Dora I always speak of him as V.) brought her some lovely roses and invited us all to go there next Sunday. In the hall he called me “the Guardian Angel of our Love.” Yes, that is what I am and always shall be; for he really deserves it and Dora too is quite different from what she used to be. Hella says one can see for oneself that love ennobles; up till now she has always thought that to be mere poetical fiction.