Ten minutes later, after a few more such comments on the part of the agent, the man who could not be flattered into signing the contract was asking which line his name should be written upon.
Billy Martin, aged four, came to his mother and in great ecstasy exclaimed, “Oh, mother! Louise and Carberry found such a nice dead cat, and they are going to have a funeral, and can I go?” Permission was given, and when Billy returned he was questioned as to the outcome of the funeral.
“They did not have it at all.”
“And why not?”
“Mother,” was the answer, “the cat was too dead.”
The late H. C. Bunner when editor of “Puck,” once received a letter accompanying a number of would-be jokes in which the writer asked: “What will you give me for these?” “Ten yards start,” was Bunner’s generous offer, written beneath the query.
One day Riley was riding on top of a ’bus in London with his friend Casey. He was nearly worn out with several hours’ sight-seeing and the bustle and excitement of the London street, the hoi polloi, the Billingsgate and the din and rattle were becoming almost unbearable when they came in sight of Westminster Abbey. Just as they did so, the chimes burst forth in joyous melody, and he said to Casey, “Isn’t it sublime? Isn’t it glorious to hear those chimes pealing and doesn’t it inspire one with renewed vigor?” Casey leaned over, with hand to his ear, and said, “You’ll have to speak a little louder, Riley; I can’t hear you.” Riley continued, “Those magnificent chimes. Do you not hear them pealing? Do they not imbue you with a feeling of almost reverence? Do they not awaken tender memories of the past?” Casey again leaned forward and said, “I can’t hear you. You’ll have to speak louder.” Riley got as close to him as possible and said, “Do you not hear the melodious pealing of the chimes? Do they not recall the salutation of old Trinity on a Sabbath morning? Do they not take you back into the dim vistas of the past when the world was young, and touch your heart with a feeling of pathos?” Casey put his mouth close to Riley’s ear and said, “Those d— bells are making such a racket, Riley, that I can’t hear you.”