It comforted me not a little, that the word was now out: "My confining must be, for not allowing of a book!" I had much ado to forbear smiling when I heard it: because now it was clear, it was not for felony or treason that was laid to my charge, nor for intelligence with the Spaniards or French, nor for correspondency [correspondence] with Jesuits and Seminary Priests; I thank GOD for that!
I had almost forgotten that, among many other memorable speeches that passed between us, I used this one, that "Peradventure, the King might be offended at me, because I was no more present at the matter of the Loan; but," said I, "my lameness hindered me therein; and I hoped thereby to do my Master better service. Because if ever course were taken to reconcile the King and his people (which if it be not, this Kingdom will rue it in the end!), I would hope, among many others, to be a good instrument therein, since my hand hath not been in those bitternesses, which have, of late, fallen out."
"You say well!" said the Secretary; "would you that I should tell the King so much?"
"Yea," said I, "if you please, I hold it not unfit that His Majesty should know it."
What he reported therein, I know not: but matters proceeded in the former course, as if there were no regard had of any such thing.
The Lord Conway being gone from me for two or three days; I expected to hear the resolution [as] to what place in Kent, I should betake myself. And receiving no news, I tossed many things in my mind, as perhaps that the King desired to hear somewhat from the Duke, how he sped on his journey [expedition]; or that peradventure he might alter his purpose, upon report of my ready obeying; or that it might so fall out, that some of the Lords at the Court, understanding, upon the Secretary's return from Croydon, that which was formerly concealed from them, might infuse some other counsels into the King.
These thoughts I revolved. At last, not forgetting the courses of the Court, and imprinting that into my heart, that there was no good intended towards me, but that any advantage would be taken against me, I sent a man to Whitehall, whither the King was now come for a night or two, and by him, I wrote to the Lord Conway, in these words