TIGHT BOOTS
I would jist like to kno who the man waz who fust invented tite boots.
He must hav bin a narrow and kontrakted kuss.
If he still lives, i hope he haz repented ov hiz sin, or iz enjoying grate agony ov sum kind.
I hay bin in a grate menny tite spots in mi life, but generally could manage to make them average; but thare iz no sich thing az making a pair of tite boots average.
Enny man who kan wear a pair ov tite boots, and be humble, and penitent, and not indulge profane literature, will make a good husband.
Oh! for the pen ov departed Wm. Shakspear, to write an anethema aginst tite boots, that would make anshunt Rome wake up, and howl agin az she did once before on a previous ockashun.
Oh! for the strength ov Herkules, to tare into shu strings all the tite boots ov creashun, and skatter them tew the 8 winds ov heaven.
Oh! for the buty ov Venus, tew make a bigg foot look hansum without a tite boot on it.
Oh! for the payshunce ov Job, the Apostle, to nuss a tite boot and bles it, and even pra for one a size smaller and more pinchfull.