Some thieves trying one night to break into a shop, in which two servant men lay; one of them called to the robbers. Come back when we are asleep.
A rich man sent to call a physician for a slight disorder he had suffered the preceding night. The physician felt his pulse, and said, Sir, do you eat well? Yes, said the patient. Do you sleep well? I do. Then, said the physician, I shall give you something to take away all that.
A labourer intending to bind his son apprentice to a butcher, asked a gentleman of the village, his friend, to whom he should put him. The answer was, You had best bind him to the physician, for he is the best butcher I know.
A physician went to visit a young lady, daughter of a nobleman. Desiring her arm, to feel her pulse, the damsel, from pride, covered the place with the sleeve of her shift. The physician also drew down his coat sleeve, and applying it, said, A linen pulse must have a woollen physician.
A bad painter, who had never produced any thing worth, went to another place, and commenced physician. A person who knew him, meeting him there, asked the reason of this change. Because said he, if I now commit faults, the earth covers them.
To a student of a college was brought a large dish of soup, and only one pea in it. He rose, and began to strip. His companion asking what was the matter, he answered, I am going to swim after that pea.