“Apples ar’n’t so dear, are they? I know what apples are, Mr. Caudle, without your telling me. But I suppose you want something more than apples for dumplings? I suppose sugar costs something, doesn’t it? And that’s how it is. That’s how one expense brings on another, and that’s how people go to ruin.
“Pancakes? What’s the use of your lying muttering there about pancakes? Don’t you always have ’em once a year—every Shrove Tuesday? And what would any moderate, decent man want more?
“Pancakes, indeed! Pray, Mr. Caudle—no, it’s no use your saying fine words to me to let you go to sleep; I sha’n’t. Pray, do you know the price of eggs just now? There’s not an egg you can trust to under seven and eight a shilling; well, you’ve only just to reckon up how many eggs—don’t lie swearing there at the eggs in that manner, Mr. Caudle; unless you expect the bed to let you fall through. You call yourself a respectable tradesman, I suppose? Ha! I only wish people knew you as well as I do! Swearing at eggs, indeed! But I’m tired of this usage, Mr. Caudle; quite tired of it; and I don’t care how soon it’s ended!
“I’m sure I do nothing but work and labour, and think how to make the most of everything; and this is how I’m rewarded.”
—Mrs. Caudle’s Curtain Lectures.
“Call that a kind man,” said an actor of an absent acquaintance; “a man who is away from his family, and never sends them a farthing! Call that kindness!” “Yes, unremitting kindness,” Jerrold replied.
Some member of “Our Club,” hearing an air mentioned, exclaimed: “That always carries me away when I hear it.” “Can nobody whistle it?” exclaimed Jerrold.
A friend said to Jerrold: “Have you heard about poor R—— If an earthquake were to engulf England to-morrow, the English would meet and dine somewhere just to celebrate the event.