He watched her go, and smiled,—her white dress blowing,
Softly in dark,—so young, so sweet, so brave!
She was so pure! by God, there was no knowing,—
And he had half a mind, still, to behave....
No, though: far better take what fortune gave,—
Dance to the music that was played for him;
Smiling he mused of her, his eyes grew dim,—
And he could feel her warmness by his side,
And all his body flushed with sweet desire
To take her shining loveliness for bride,
To kiss, to fuse with her in single fire....
O youth, O young heart musical as a lyre!
O covering darkness of mysterious night!
He knew these things; his heart was filled with light....
What was one more? Pah, how he scorned this qualm!
Innocent? Such girls seem—but never are.
No, he was not her first.... And cold and calm
He turned and sought the brightly-lighted bar....
The music rose, through shut doors, faint and far,
Wailful.... Down in her stateroom mirror there
A young girl eyed herself, with frightened stare.
II
She eyed herself with quick breath, frightened stare,
The fingers of one hand caught at her throat,
And half unconsciously she smoothed her hair....
The music called to her, bizarre, remote....
On a vast hurrying tide she seemed afloat,
Hurrying through a darkness downward ever,
Starless, along some subterranean river....
Where was she going? Where was the current taking?
Vaguely she knew that it would lead to pain,
To a dark endless pain her deep heart breaking,
To a grey world forever dulled with rain....
And yet she knew this would not come again,
And all the sweet bliss came imploring, pleading,
Melting her soul, bruising her heart to bleeding....
O God, she did not know!—Yet future sorrow
Seemed somehow paid for by this instant bliss,
A brief to-day was worth a long to-morrow;
O youth, O night,—this joy she dared not miss!
Her whole soul yearned for this young lover’s kiss,
Though it be paid for through eternity.
O, had not God designed this thing to be?
Was not her mouth for this young mouth intended,
Since all her living body told her so?
Was it not preordained that so be ended
A girlhood colder than December snow?
A starlight kiss—she need no further go—:
His warm hands touching hers: O was this sin?
Just this?—She shut her eyes to fires within....
To those fierce central fires she closed her eyes,
Yet dimly of their passion was aware,
And felt their flames like drunkenness arise
Whirling her soul, making life strangely fair....
She eyed herself with held breath, frightened stare....
Alas, was it the alchemy of sin
That made her lovelier far than e’er she’d been?
Plausibly sweet the music came to her,
Through many doors, most plausible and sweet,
Setting some subtle pulse in her astir,
Smoothing in song her heart’s erratic beat.
Dizziness came, unstrung her knees, her feet,
And she sank down a space upon her bed,
Shutting her eyes, mad reelings in her head.