Old Drybones was then the Parson of the Parish, a Man of the most notorious Character, who would change his Principles at any Time to serve a Turn, preach or pray Extempore, talk Nonsense, or any Thing else, for the Advancement of Avaro and his Faction. He was look'd upon to be the greatest Artist in Legerdemain in that Country; and had a Way of shewing the Pope and little Master in a Box, but the Figures were so very small, it was impossible for any Body but himself to discern them. He was hir'd, as is suppos'd, to tax the New Servants with Popery, together with their Mistress, which he preach'd in several Churches thereabouts; but his Character was too well known to make any Thing credited that came from him.
There are several Particulars related, both by Tradition and the Manuscripts, concerning the turning out of these Servants, which would require greater Volumes than I design. It is enough, that notwithstanding their Endeavours, they were Discarded, and the Lady chose her new Servants out of the most honest and substantial of her Tenants, of undoubted Abilities, who were tied to her by Inclination as well as Duty. These began a Reformation of all the Abuses committed by Avaro and Baconface, which discover'd such a Scene of Roguery to the World, that one would hardly think the most mercenary Favourites could be guilty of.
Avaro now began to be very uneasie, and to be affrighted at his own Conscience; he found nothing would pacifie the enrag'd Tenants, and that his Life wou'd be but a sufficient Recompence for his Crimes. His Money which he rely'd on, and which he lavish'd away to Bribe off his Destruction, had not Force enough to Protect him: He could not, as it is reported, Sit still in one Place for two Minutes, never Slept at all, Eat little or nothing, Talk'd very rambling and inconsistent, of Merit, Hardships, Accounts, Perquisites, Commissioners, Bread and Bread-Waggons, but was never heard to mention any Cheese.
He came and made a Confession in his own House to some People he never saw before in his Life, and which shews no little Disorder in his Brain; That, whatever they might think of him, he was as Dutiful a Servant as any his Mistress had. Haggite rav'd almost as bad as he, and had got St. Anthony's Fire in her Face; but it is a question, says Dr. G—th, whether there was any Thing Ominous in that, since it is probable, the Distemper only chang'd it's Situation.
Mean while, it was agreed by Baconface and others, that a Consultation should be call'd at Avaro's House, something Decisive resolv'd on, in order to prevent their Ruin; and accordingly Jacobo the Messenger was sent to inform the Cabal of it.
Dismal and horrid was the Night of that infernal Consultation, nothing heard but the melancholly Murmuring of Winds, and the Croaking of Toads and Ravens; Every thing seem'd Wild and Desert, and double Darkness overspread the Hemisphere: Thunder and Lightning, Storms and Tempest, and Earthquakes, seem'd to Presage something more then Ordinary, and added to the Confusion of that Memorable Night. Nature sicken'd, and groan'd, as it were, under the Tortures of universal Ruine. Not a Servant in the House but had Dreamt the strangest Dreams, and Haggite her self had seen a Stranger in the Candle. The Fire languish'd and burnt Blue, and the Crickets sung continually about the Oven: How far the Story is true concerning the Warming-Pan and Dishes, I cannot say, but certain it is, a Noise was heard like that of rolling Pease from the top of the House to the bottom; and the Windows creak'd, and the Doors rattled in a manner not a little terrible. Several of their Servants made Affidavit, That Haggite lost a red Petticoat, a Ruff, and a Pair of Green-Stockings, that were her Mother's, but the Night before, and a Diamond-Cross once gave her by a Great Man.
'Twas about Midnight before this Black Society got together, and no sooner were they seated, when Avaro open'd to them in this manner. We have try'd, says he, my Friends, all the Artifices we cou'd invent or execute, but all in vain. Our Mistress has discover'd plainly our Intentions, and the Tenants will be neither flatter'd, nor frighted, nor brib'd into our Interest. It remains therefore, and what tho' we Perish in the Attempt, we must Perish otherwise, that once for all we make a Push at the very Life of——When, Lo! says the Manuscript, An unusual Noise interrupted his Discourse, and Jacobo cry'd out, The Devil, the Devil at the Door. Scarce had he Time to speak, or they to listen, when the Apparition of Mother Haggy entred; But, Who can describe the Astonishment they were then in? Haggite sounded away in the Elbow-Chair as she sat, and Avaro, notwithstanding his boasted Courage, slunk under the Table in an Instant: Baconface screw'd himself into a thousand Postures; and Clumzy trembled till his very Water trickled from him. Splitcause tumbled over a Joint-Stool, and Mouse the Ballad-Maker broke a Brandy-Bottle that had been Haggite's Companion for some Years: But Dammyblood, Dammyblood only was the Man that had the Courage to cry out G-d D-m your Bl—d, What occasion for all this Bustle? Is it not the Devil, and is he not our old Acquaintance? This reviv'd them in some Measure; but the Ghastlyness of the Spectacle made still some Impression on them. There was an unaccountable Irregularity in her Dress, a Wanness in her Complexion, and a Disproportion in her Features. Flames of Fire issued from her Nostrils, and a sulphurous Smoak from her Mouth, which together with the Condition some of the Company were in, made a very noisome and offensive Smell; and I have been told, says a very Grave Alderman of St. Albans, Some of them saw her Cloven Foot.
I Come, says she, at length, (in an hollow Voice, more terrible than the celebrated Stentor, or the brawny Caledonian) I Come, O ye Accomplices in Iniquity, to tell you of your Crimes, to bid you desist from these Cabals, for they are Fruitless, and prepare for Punishment that is Certain. I have, as long as I could, assisted you in your Glorious Execrable Attempts, but Time is now no more; the Time is coming when you must be deliver'd up to Justice. As to you, O Son and Daughter, said she, turning to them, 'tis but a few revolving Moons, e'er you must both fall a Sacrifice to your Avarice and Ambition, as I have told you heretofore, but your Mistress will be too Merciful, and tho' your ready Money must be refunded, your Estate in Land will Descend onto your Heirs. But you, O Baconface, you have Merited nothing to save either your Life or your Estate, be contented therefore with the Loss of both: And Clumzy, says she, you must have the same Fate, your Insolence to your Lady, and the Beggars you brought in upon the Tenants will require it. Dammyblood, continues she, turning towards him, you must expect a considerable Fine; but Splitcause and Mouse may come off more easily. She said, gave a Shriek; and disappear'd; and the Cabal dispers'd with the utmost Consternation.