"Begorra, if I could shout any louder I wouldn't use your bloomin' ould telephone at all!"
EFFECTIVE
Some people are always optimists:
"Beanborough," said a friend of that gentleman, "always looks on the bright side of things."
"Why?"
"Well, the other day I went with him to buy a pair of shoes. He didn't try them on at the store, and when he got home he found that a nail was sticking right up through the heel of one."
"Did he take them back?"
"Not much. He said that he supposed the nail was put there intentionally to keep the foot from sliding forward in the shoe."
GERMAN ARITHMETIC
1 German equals 10 unkultured foreigners.