SMARTY!
William Dean Howells, at a dinner in Boston, said of modern American letters: "The average popular novel shows, on the novelist's part, an ignorance of his trade, which reminds me of a New England clerk. In a New England village I entered the main-street department store one afternoon and said to the clerk at the book counter: 'Let me have, please, the "Letters of Charles Lamb".' 'Post-office right across the street, Mr. Lamb,' said the clerk, with a polite, brisk smile"
HOW TO TELL A WELL-BRED DOG
If he defies all the laws of natural beauty and symmetry,
If he has a disease calling for specialists,
If he cannot eat anything but Russian caviar and broiled sweetbreads,
If he costs more than a six-cylinder roadster,
If he must be bathed in rose water and fed out of a cutglass bowl,
If he cannot be touched by the naked hand, or patted more than twice a day,
If he refuses to wear anything but imported leather collars,