"He was scared stiff," said one Tommy.
"Did he run?" asked another.
"Run?" replied the first. "Why, if that Boche had had jest one feather in his hand he'd 'a' flew."
A DEEP-LAID PLAN
"Would you mind letting me off fifteen minutes early after this, sir?" asked the bookkeeper. "You see, I've moved into the suburbs and I can't catch my train unless I leave at a quarter before five o'clock."
"I suppose I'll have to," grumbled the boss; "but you should have thought of that before you moved."
"I did," confided the bookkeeper to the stenographer a little later, "and that's the reason I moved."
ONLY ONE THING FOR HIM
A three-hundred-pound man stood gazing longingly at the nice things displayed in a haberdasher's window for a marked-down sale. A friend stopped to inquire if he was thinking of buying shirts or pyjamas.
"Gosh, no!" replied the fat man wistfully. "The only thing that fits me ready-made is a handkerchief."