If you save your money, you're a grouch; if you spend it, you're a loafer; if you get it, you're a grafter, and if you don't get it, you're a bum.
So what's the use?
HIGH FINANCE
Even certain professors, who are supposed to be immune from commercial inducements are sometimes financially overcautious. A party of tourists were watching Professor X as he exhumed the wrapt body of an ancient Egyptian.
"Judging from the utensils about him," remarked the professor, "this mummy must have been an Egyptian plumber."
"Wouldn't it be interesting," said a romantic young lady, "if we could bring him to life?"
"Interesting, but a bit risky," returned Professor X. "Somebody might have to pay him for his time."
MATRIMONIAL PROFUNDITY
A young planter in Mississippi had an old servant called Uncle Mose, who had cared for him as a child and whose devotion had never waned. The young man became engaged to a girl of the neighborhood who had a reputation for unusual beauty and also for a very violent temper. Noticing that Uncle Mose never mentioned his approaching marriage, the planter said:
"Mose, you know I am going to marry Miss Currier?"