"No, my lad, but if you will wash your face I will give you a quarter."
"All right!" exclaimed the youth, who forthwith ran to a neighboring trough and made his ablutions.
When he returned Paderewski held out the quarter, which the boy took but immediately handed back, saying:
"Here, Mister, you take it yourself and get your hair cut."
ON DUTY ELSEWHERE
An Irish soldier had lost an eye in battle, but was allowed to continue in the service on consenting to have a glass eye in its place. One day, however, he appeared on parade without his artificial eye.
"Nolan," said the officer, "you are not properly dressed. Why is your artificial eye not in its place?"
"Sure, sir," replied Nolan, "I left it in me box to keep an eye on me kit while I'm on parade."
THE KAISER'S LAST WORD
Arthur Train, the novelist, put down a German newspaper at the Century
Club, in New York, with an impatient grunt.