HE SCORNED THE THOUGHT
The father of a certain charming girl is well known in this town as "a very tight old gentleman." When dad recently received a young man, who for some time had been "paying attention" to the daughter, it was the old gentleman who made the first observation:
"Huh! So you want to marry my daughter, eh?"
"Yes, sir; very much, indeed."
"Um—let me see. Can you support her in the style to which she has been accustomed?"
"I can, sir," said the young man, "but I am not mean enough to do it."
RIVALRY
A young American artist who has just returned from a six months' job of driving a British ambulance on the war front in Belgium brings this back straight from the trenches: "One cold morning a sign was pushed up above the German trench facing ours, only about fifty yards away, which bore in large letters the words: 'Got mit Uns!' One of our cockney lads, more of a patriot than a linguist, looked at this for a moment and then lampblacked a big sign of his own, which he raised on a stick. It read: 'We Got Mittuns, Too!'"
IMPERSONAL
A pretty girl at an evening party was bantering a genial bachelor on his reasons for remaining single.