A young Irishman recently applied for a job as life-saver at the municipal baths.
As he was about six feet six inches tall and well built, the chief life-saver gave him an application blank to fill out.
"By the way," said the chief life-saver, "can you swim?"
"No," replied the applicant, "but I wade like blazes!"
NOT ENOUGH SCENERY
The Negro stevedores of the southern states of the American Union have been conscripted and shipped in great numbers to ports in France for unloading the incoming American steamers. Their cheerfulness has quite captivated the gayety loving French, who never tire of listening to their laughter and their ragtime songs. When the "bosses" want to get a dockyard job done in double-quick time they usually order a brass band to play lively Negro tunes alongside the ship. Every stevedore thereupon "steps lively," and apparently his heavy labor becomes to him a light and joyous task. One stevedore, to whom the Atlantic voyage had been a test, exclaimed: "Mah goodness! Ah never knew dere was so much water between dem tew countries! Dere ain't enuf scenery for me, no sah, an' if de United States don't build a bridge across dat dere Atlantic, Ah's agwine to be a Frenchman for life."
IAN HAY'S FATE
Captain "Ian Hay," on one of his war lecture tours, entered a barber's shop in a small town to have his hair cut.
"Stranger in the town, sir?" the barber asked.
"Yes, I am," Ian Hay replied. "Anything going on here to-night?"