"I hain't moved, nuther," replied the indignant Jim; "the durn river's riz."
BUSINESS IS BUSINESS
"May I see you privately?"
The well-dressed stranger approached the mayor of the suburban town with the air of one who knew his business. When they were alone he said:
"I want to apply for the position of village burglar."
"Village burglar!"
"Yes, sir. I guarantee results, I only rob one house a week. This includes a clean get-away. When a man, no matter how conscientious, attempts any more than this, he is bound to deteriorate. By employing me regularly you get the best results."
"What inducements do you offer?"
"Your village will be advertised regularly and in the most efficient manner. I will guarantee to keep away all other burglars, thus insuring the comfort and safety of your police. I return all goods stolen. If it is necessary at any time to wound any of your citizens, I will pay half of the hospital expenses. Salary five thousand a year. Can furnish references."
"Nothing else?"