"Yes," said Simpkins, as he turned the leaves, "that's my wife's second cousin's aunt Susan. And that's Cousin James, and that's a friend of ours, and that—oh, now, who do you think that is?"
"Don't know," said Sanderson.
"Well, that's my wife's first husband, my boy."
"Great Scot! What a perfect brainless-looking idiot. But excuse me, old fellow, I didn't know your wife was a widow when you married her."
"She wasn't," said Simpkins stiffly. "That, sir, is a portrait of myself at the age of twenty."
HE GOT RESULTS, ANYWAY
American troops who during the early days of the European War were landed in France received a more careful and prolonged training than could possibly be given the most of the regiments hurriedly raised during the Civil War. The story goes that a raw battalion of rough backwoodsmen, who had "volunteered," once joined General Grant. He admired their fine physique, but distrusted the capacity of their uncouth commander to handle troops promptly and efficiently in the field, so he said:
"Colonel, I want to see your men at work; call them to attention, and order them to march with shouldered arms in close column to the left flank."
Without a moment's hesitation the colonel yelled to his fellow-ruffians:
"Boys, look wild thar! Make ready to thicken and go left endways! Tote yer guns! Git!"