"Have you ever tried gargling it with salt and water?" asked the doctor.
The mine-sweeper groaned.
"I should say so!" he said. "I've been torpedoed seven times!"
HOW HE GOT THEM
A British soldier was walking down the Strand one day. He had one leg off and an arm off and both ears missing and his head was covered with bandages, and he was making his way on low gear as best he could, when he was accosted by an intensely sympathetic lady who said:
"Oh, dear, dear! I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you. This is really terrible. Can't I do something? Do tell me, did you receive all these wounds in real action?"
A weary expression came over that part of the soldier's face that was visible as he replied:
"No, madam; I was cleaning out the canary bird cage, and the d——d bird bit me!"
CÆSAR VISITS CICERO
How modern are the old fellows. Here is a story related by Cicero in one of his letters which will recall the embarrassments we have ourselves felt in the presence of the unexpected.