"I canna get ower it," a Scotch farmer remarked to his wife. "I put a twa shillin' piece in the plate at the kirk this morning instead o' ma usual penny."
The beadle had noticed the mistake, and in silence he allowed the farmer to miss the plate for twenty-three consecutive Sundays.
On the twenty-fourth Sunday the farmer again ignored the plate, but the old beadle stretched the ladle in froat of him and, in a loud, tragic whisper, hoarsely said:
"Your time's up noo, Sandy."
STILL COMPANIONABLE
Jennie, the colored maid, arrived one morning with her head swathed in bandages—the result of an argument with her hot-tempered spouse.
"Jennie," said her mistress, "your husband treats you outrageously. Why don't you leave him?"
"Well, I don' 'zactly wants to leave him."
"Hasn't he dragged you the length of the room by your hair?" demanded her mistress.
"Yas'm, he has done dat."