"'Cos he's the only one not working, sir."
DIAGNOSING HIMSELF
The officer of the day, during his tour of duty, paused to question a sentry who was a new recruit.
"If you should see an armed party approaching, what would you do?" asked the officer.
"Turn out the guard, sir."
"Very well. Suppose you saw a battleship coming across the parade-ground, what would you do?"
"Report to the hospital for examination, sir," was the prompt reply.
IN OUR MELTING POT
During a political campaign in New York a Tammany leader on the East Side, a self-made man and one not entirely completed yet in some respects, was addressing a mass meeting of Italian-born voters on behalf of the Democratic ticket.
"Gintlemen and fellow citizens," he began, "I deem it an honor to be permitted to address you upon the issues of the day. I have always had a deep admiration for your native land. I vinerate the mimory of that great, that noble Eyetalian who was the original and first discoverer of this here land of ours.