"I cooked a meal for the first time yesterday, and I made an awful mess of it."
"Never mind, dearie," said the doctor, cheerfully; "it's nothing to worry about. I lost my first patient."
DANGER SIGNALS
An ingenious American has invented a device to prevent such motoring accidents as arise from over-speeding. He describes his contrivance as follows:
"While the car is running fifteen miles an hour a white bulb shows on the radiator, at twenty-five miles a green bulb appears, at forty a red bulb, and, when the driver begins to bat 'em out around sixty per, a music-box under the seat begins to play 'Nearer, My God, to Thee.'"
VULNERABLE
A visiting minister, preaching in a town famous for its horse races, vigorously denounced the sport. The principal patron of the church always attended the races, and of this the clergyman was later informed.
"I am afraid I touched one of your weaknesses," said the pastor, not wishing to offend the wealthy one, "but it was quite unintentional, I assure you."
"Oh, don't mind that," said the sportsman genially. "It's a mighty poor sermon that don't hit me somewhere."