"I say, 'Oh, Lord, deal wi' yon old blackguard, saften his heart, and damp his powther.'"
CAUTIOUS MOURNER
Walking through the village street one day, the widowed Lady Bountiful met old Farmer Stubbs on his way to market. Her greeting went unnoticed.
"Stubbs," said she, indignantly, "you might at least raise your hat to me!"
"I beg your pardon, m'lady," was the reply, "but my poor wife ain't dead moren' two weeks, and I ain't started lookin' at the wimmen yet!"
UNPREPARED BASE THREATENED
Tommy Tonkins was keen on baseball and particularly ambitious to make his mark as a catcher. Any hint, however small, was welcomed if it helped on his advance in his department of the game. When he began to have trouble with his hands, and somebody suggested soaking them in salt water to harden the skin, he quickly followed the advice.
Alas! a few days later Tommy had a misfortune. A long hit at the bottom of the garden sent the ball crashing through a neighbor's sitting-room window. It was the third Tommy had broken since the season began.
Mrs. Tonkins nearly wept in anger when Tommy broke the news.
"Yer father'll skin yer when 'e comes 'ome to-night," she said.