Didn’t Understand Quakerese
There was a queer scene at the home of a Quaker family living in Philadelphia. The lady of the house had advertised for a servant girl, and a promising one, lately arrived, applied.
“Whin do ye have your washin’ done?” asked the girl.
“We would wish to have thee do it every Second-day,” answered the Quakeress.
“Ivery second day? May the saints presarve us! Sure it’s not meself that will wash for ye ivery other day in the week!” said the girl, as she took her departure.
John the Baptist
A colored minister of the Baptist persuasion, in order to strengthen and confirm the faith of his congregation, took as the text of his discourse the first verse of the third chapter of Matthew: “In those days came John the Baptist preaching in the wilderness of Judea.” “Oh,” said he, “how I like to read these precious words in the blessed Bible. You don’t read anywhere in it about John the Presbyterian, or John the Methodist, or John the Episcopalian. No, it is John the Baptist. Oh, how I like to read that.”
A German Pickwick
Germany has a Pickwick indeed, without guile, according to a story told by the Schweizerische Dorfkalender. The antiquarian stood before a stable-door, in rapt delight, contemplating a stone fixed in the archway, which bore the inscription 1081. Calling the tenant farmer, he said, “Am I not right, my friend, in supposing that you procured this stone from the castle ruin on the hill yonder?” “It may be,” replied the owner, “that my grandfather fetched it when he built the stable.” The professor asked what he would take for the stone. “Since you seem to have a fancy for it,” said the farmer, “pay me down 40 guldens, and I will leave it at your house.” “That is rather a large sum,” said the professor; “never mind; bring it to me to-morrow morning, and you shall have the 40 guldens.” On the next morning, when the peasant brought the stone upon the truck, the zealous antiquarian eagerly turned it over to refresh his eyes with a sight of its chronological inscription. “Why,” cried he in amazement, “what is this? This is not the right stone. Yesterday I read the date 1081, while this bears the date 1801, which proves that the other was exactly 720 years older than this.” “The Herr Professor must not trouble himself about that small matter,” replied the boor. “You see, sir, the masons turned the stone upside down when they set it in the doorway, because it fitted better that way. You can turn it whichever way you like now it is your own, but, of course, I must have the 40 guldens.” The money was paid.