THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT IN THE PIT
BY F. ANSTEY
Scene: The Pit of a London theatre during Pantomime Time.
An Overheated Matron (to her husband)—"Well, they don't give you much room in 'ere, I must say. Still, we done better than I expected, after all that crushing. I thought my ribs was gone once—but it was on'y the umbrella's. You pretty comfortable where you are, eh, father?"
Father—"Oh, I'm right enough, I am."
Jimmy (their small boy with a piping voice)—"If father is it's more nor what I am. I can't see, mother, I can't!"
Mother—"Lor' bles' the boy! there ain't nothen to see yet; you'll see well enough when the curting goes up. (Curtain rises on opening scene.) Look, Jimmy, ain't that nice, now? All them himps, dancin' round and real fire comin' out of the pot—which I 'ope it's quite safe—and there's a beautiful fairy just come on drest so grand, too!"
Jimmy (whimpering)—"I can't see no fairy—nor yet no himps—no nothen!"
Mother (annoyed)—"Was there ever such an aggravating boy? Set quiet, do, and don't fidget, and look at the hactin'!"
Jimmy—"I tell yer I can't see no hactin', mother. It ain't my fault—it's this lady in front of me, with the 'at."
Mother—"Father, the pore boy says he can't see where he is, 'cause of a lady's 'at in front."