The next one was a daisy,
It made the audience howl;
Jakey tapped it, Johnny yelled:
"Fow-ow-ow-ow-oul!"
And so the game went gaily,
A game a body likes,
Till Jack had called three balls on Jake
And also called two strikes.
The breathless crowd was anxious,
For this will tell the tale;
The pitcher tied himself in knots,
The catcher did not quail.
Whizz! went the ball—the rabble waits
The umpire's verdict, but
All that Johnny Jimson said
Was "Tut-tut-tut——"
Did he mean to say, "Tut-tut-take your base,"
Or else, "Tut-tut-three strikes?"
Just fix it up to suit yourself
As anybody likes,
It busted up our little game,
It was too utterly utter.
Don't try to be an umpire if
You stut-tut-tut-tutter.
THE MAN WHO WILL MAKE A SPEECH
ANONYMOUS
A man wearing passably good clothes and a look of mental anxiety entered a fashionable drug-store, and said to the clerk:
"Are you pretty well posted on big words?"
"Yes," said the clerk, "I know quite a large number of big words."
"Well, then," said the stranger, "here's the situation: Out where I live I am a pretty big gun, and when anything is going on they call on me for a speech. I made one on election day, another the same evening, and another the next morning, and now I'm laying the sleepers for a speech to eclipse them all."
"What sort of a speech?" asked the clerk.
"Political, of course. My other speeches were political, but were very plain. This time I want to get in some regular old twisters. For one thing I would declare this country in a state of—what do you call it?"