An' Aunt Mame wrote she's comin' an' she can't,
Folks is come there!—An' I don't care if she is my aunt!
An' my eyes stings; an' I'm
Ist coughin' all the time,
An' hurts me so, an' where my side's so sore,
Grampa felt where, an' he
Says, "Maybe it's pleurasy!"
But I ain't a-goin' to cry no more, no more!
An' I clumbed up an' felled off the fence,
An' Herbert he ist laugh at me!
An' my fi' cents,
It sticked in my tin bank, an' I ist tore
Purt night my fum-nail off a-tryin' to git
It out—nen smash it! An' it's in there yet!
But I ain't a-goin' to cry no more, no more!
Oo! I'm so wicked! an' my breath's so hot,
Ist like I run an' don't rest none
But ist run on when I ought to not;
Yes, an' my chin
An' lips all warpy, an' teeth's so fast,
An's a place in my throat I can't swaller past,—
An' they all hurt so!
An' oh, my oh!
I'm a-startin' ag'in,—
I'm a-startin' ag'in, but I won't fer shore!
I ist ain't a-goin to cry no more, no more!
By permission from "His Pa's Romance," copyright, 1903, the Bobbs-Merrill Company, Indianapolis, Ind.
PROOF POSITIVE
ANONYMOUS
I stept into my room one day
And saw some children there at play.
I sought my little girl and found her
With half a dozen youngsters round her;
And from the way she slapped her rule,
I knew that they were "playing school."
I gave my little girl a kiss—
A pleasure that I never miss.
A murmur through the schoolroom ran,
A smile pervaded every feature,
"He must be a committeeman!"
They loud exclaimed. "He kissed the teacher!"
THE IRISH PHILOSOPHER
ANONYMOUS
Ladies and Gintlemen:—I see so many foine-lookin' people sittin' before me, that if you'll excuse me I'll be after takin' a seat myself.
You don't know me, I'm thinkin,' or some of yees 'ud be noddin' to me afore this.