[67.] A Scholar traveyling, and having noe money, call'd at an Alehouse, and ask'd for a penny loafe, then gave his hostesse it againe, for a pot of ale; and having drunke it of, was going away. The woman demanded a penny of him. For what? saies he. Shee answers, for ye ale. Quoth hee, I gave you ye loafe for it. Then, said she, pay for ye loafe. Quoth hee, had you it not againe? which put ye woman to a non plus, that ye scholar went free away.
[93.] George (Peele) lying at an old Widdowes house, and had gone on so farre on the Score, that his credit would stretch no further: for she had made a vow not to depart with drinke or victuals without ready money. Which George seeing the fury of his froward Hostis, in griefe kept his Chamber; called to his Hostis and told her, she should understand that he was not without money, how poorely soever he appeared to her, and that my diet shall testifie: in the meane time, good Hostis, quoth he, send for such a friend of mine. Shee did: so his friend came: to whom George imparted his mind; the effect whereof was this, to pawne his Cloake, Hose and Doublet, unknowne to his Hostis: for, quoth George this seven nights doe I intend to keepe my bed. (Truly hee spake, for his intent was that the bed should not keepe him any longer). Away goes he to pawne his apparell; George bespeakes good cheere to supper, which was no shamble butcher stuffe, but according to the place; for, his Chamber being remote from the house, at the end of the Garden, his apparell being gone, it appeared to him as the Counter; therefore to comfort himselfe he dealt in Poultrie. His friend brought the money, supped with him: his Hostis hee very liberally payed, but cavelled with her at her unkindnesse: vowing that while he lay there, none should attend him but his friend. The Hostis reply'd, A God's name, she was well contented with it: so was George too: for none knew better than himselfe what he intended; but in briefe thus he used his kinde Hostis. After his Apparell and Money was gone, hee made bolde with the feather bed hee lay on, which his friend-ship convey'd away, having as villanous a Wolfe in his belly as George, though not altogether so wise; for that feather bed they devoured in two daies, feathers and all, which was no sooner digested, but away went the Coverlet, Sheetes and the Blancket; and at the last dinner, when George's good friend perceiving nothing left but the bed-cords, as the Devill would have it, straight came into his mind the fashion of a halter; the foolish kind knave would needs fetch a quart of sacke for his friend George; which Sacke to this day never saw Vintners Cellar; and so he left George in a cold chamber, a thin shirt, a ravished bed, no comfort left him, but the bare bones of deceased Capons. In this distresse, George bethought him what he might doe; nothing was left him; and as his eye wandred up and downe the empty Chamber, by chance he spied out an old Armour; at which sight George was the joyfullest man in Christendome; for the Armour of Achilles, that Ulysses and Ajax strove for, was not more precious to them, than this to him: for hee presently claps it upon his backe, the Halbert in his hand, the Moryon on his head, and so gets out the backe way, marches from Shorditch to Clarkenwell, to the no small wonder of those spectators that beheld him. Being arrived to the wished haven he would be, an old acquaintance of his furnished him with an old Sute and an old Cloake for his old Armour.
[102.]A Lawier being sicke and extreame ill,
Was mooved by his friends to make his will,
For they with one consent resolved all;
He never more would see Westminster Hall.
Hee feeling in himselfe his end was neere,
Unto their counsell did encline his eare;
And absolute gave all the wealth he had
To franticke persons, lunaticke and mad,