If he doth so, why should not you
Drink until the sky looks blew?"
[93.] George (Peele) once had invited halfe a score of his friends to a great Supper, where they were passing merry, no cheere wanting, wine enough, musicke playing: the night growing on, & being upon departure, they call for a reckoning. George swears there is not a penny for them to pay. They, being men of good fashion, by no meanes would yeeld unto it, but every man throwes downe his money, some tenne shillings, some five, some more: protesting something they will pay. Well, quoth George, taking up all the money; seeing you will be so wilfull you shall see what shall follow: he commands the musicke to play, and while they were skipping and dancing, George gets his Cloake, sends up two Pottles of Hypocrist, and leaves them and the reckoning to pay. They wondring at the stay of George, meant to be gone: but they were staide by the way, and before they went, forced to pay the reckoning anew.
[26.] A Vintner being broke, was, it seems, forc'd to set up an Ale house in the Suburbs, and being askt, why he did discredit himself so much, to leave off Wine, to sell Beer and Ale? He told him the chief reason was because he lov'd a Countryman better than a stranger; for Beer and Ale are my Countrymen, but Wine's a Stranger: but the Gentleman told him he did not well, for he must make much of any Stranger that comes within his gates: So will I that, says he, when I get it within my gates agen; I'll make more of it than I did; nay much more, because I would not break the Command.
[105.] On a time the Bishop would feast divers French Lords, and hee gave unto Peter Achadus (Scogins chamber fellow) twenty French Crownes to bestow at the Poulters, in Feasant, Partridge, Plover, Quaile, Woodcock, Larke, and such other: and because Scogins chamber fellow had great business to do, he wrote all such things as he would have bought in a bill, and desired Scogin to bestow the money, who was well contented. When Scogin had this money, he imagined in his mind how hee might deceive some Poulter, and so to have the money to himselfe. At last hee came to a Poulter in Paris, and said, sir, it is so that my Master the Abbot of Spilding doth feast a great many of his friends, and I must have so many of every sort of your wares as is mentioned in this bill, therefore I pray you lay them out quickly, and let the Bill be prised reasonably, and to morrow in the morning I will fetch them, and you shall have your money. The wares were laid out and prized, and the sum came to sixe pound and odde money, then on the morrow Scogin did come to the Poulter, and asked if everything were ready. Yea, said the Poulter, and here is your bill reasonably prized. Then said Scogin, let somebody goe with me for to receive your money: the Poulter said, my wife shal goe with you. Scogin went to St. Peter's Church, where there was a Priest that had on his Albe, and was ready to goe to Masse: Scogin went to the Priest, and said, Master, here is a woman that will not bee perswaded that her Husband ought to be her Head, and I have brought her to you, to the intent you should perswade her. The Priest said he would doe what he could. I thanke you, said Scogin. Then Scogin came to the woman, and said, if you will have your money, come to my Master, and hear what he doth say. Then Scogin came to the Priest, and said Master, here is the woman, will you dispatch her after Masse is done? Yea, said the Priest. Then said Scogin to the woman, you heare what my master doth say, therefore I pray you send me by some token, whereby I may receive the wares. The woman sent him by a true token, and then Scogin did hire two porters, and did fetch away all the wares from the Poulters house, and did carry it to his chamber: when masse was done, the Priest called the Poulters wife unto him, and asked why she would not acknowledge her husband to be her head? Why, said the woman, I cannot tarry to reason of such matters, therefore I pray you to pay me my money, that I were gone: Wherefore? said the Priest. The woman said, for wares that your man hath received. What man? said the Priest. He that spake to you when you went to masse. The Priest said, he is none of my man, and he said to me, that you would not bee perswaded that your husband ought to be your head. What, master Abbot, said the woman, you shal not mock me so, I must have 6 pound & 8 shillings of you for wares that your man hath received, for you promised to pay me when you went to masse. I am no Abbot, said the Priest, nor none of my men never received anything of you, nor I promised nothing when I went to masse, but that I would perswade you to obey your Husband, who ought to be your head, and so the Priest went his way. The woman perceiving that shee was deceived, went home to see if Scogin had received the ware, and he had received them, and was gone an houre before. Then both she and her husband sought for Scogin, but they could not find him.
[17.] A Citizen having married a Cockney, and he taking her with him into the Country, to see his Friends, as they were riding spyed a Willow tree on which abundance of Wants or Moles were hung: O dear, says she, Husband, look what a fine Tree here is; I never knew how they grew till now; for it is a Black Pudding tree.
[82.] A man was very angry with his maid, because his eggs were boyled too hard; truly, said she, I have made them boyle a long houre, but the next you have, shall boyle two houres but they shall be tender enough.
[26.] A Man in a bitter cold Winter night was passing through the Street, and seeing all a Bed, and no Candle in any Window neither; then bethought himself of this project; for then he went up and down crying Fire, Fire, which made several come to the Windows: They askt him where? where? He told them that he did not know, for if he did, he would go to't to warm himself; For, says he, I am devilish cold.