He had scarcely uttered the words when a noise like the “crack of doom” was heard: one-half of the barn-floor had disappeared! The Ghost made a step to approach Sir Charles, his son, when the last object we saw was his heels—his legs dressed in blue woollen stockings and his sturdy hinder parts cased in strong corduroys, in the act of disappearing in the abyss beneath. Down he and the others went, and were lodged in the cow-house below amid the warm manure.
The consternation, the alarm, the fright and terror among the safe and Protestant side of the audience, could not be described. But the disaster proved to be one of the most harmless for its nature that ever occurred, for it was only destructive to property. Not a single injury was sustained with the exception of that which befell the Ghost, who had his arm dislocated at the elbow. The accident now resumed a religious hue. The Catholics charged the others with the concoction of a Protestant plot, by putting them together on what they called the rotten side of the house. The wrangle became high and abusive, and was fast hastening into polemical theology, when the dramatis personæ offered to settle it in a peaceable way, by fighting out the battle on the green. It was the scene of terrible and strong confusion, so much so that all we can glean from our recollection is the image of a desperate personal conflict between the actors whose orange and green ribbons were soon flung off as false emblems of the principles which they had adopted only for the sake of ending the play in a peaceable manner.
The Quare Gander.
From “The Purcell Papers.”
By Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu
Terence Mooney was an honest boy and well-to-do—an’ he rinted the biggest farm on this side iv the Galties, an’ bein’ mighty cute an’ a sevare worker, it was small wonder he turned a good penny every harvest; but, unluckily, he was blessed with an ilegant large family iv daughters, an’ iv coorse his heart was allamost bruck, strivin’ to make up fortunes for the whole of them—an’ there wasn’t a conthrivance iv any sort of description for makin’ money out iv the farm but he was up to. Well, among the other ways he had iv gettin’ up in the world, he always kep’ a power iv turkies, and all soarts iv poultry; an’ he was out iv all raison partial to geese—an’ small blame to him for that same—for twiste a year you can pluck them as bare as my hand—an’ get a fine price for the feathers, and plenty of rale sizeable eggs—an’ when they are too ould to lay any more, you can kill them, an’ sell them to the gintlemen for goslings, d’ye see,—let alone that a goose is the most manly bird that is out. Well, it happened in the coorse iv time, that one ould gandher tuck a wondherful likin’ to Terence, an’ sorra a place he could go serenadin’ about the farm, or lookin’ afther the men, but the gandher id be at his heels, an’ rubbin’ himself agin his legs, and lookin’ up in his face just like any other Christian id do; and the likes iv it was never seen, Terence Mooney an’ the gandher wor so great. An’ at last the bird was so engagin’ that Terence would not allow it to be plucked any more; an’ kept it from that time out for love an’ affection; just all as one like one iv his children. But happiness in perfection never lasts long; an’ the neighbours begin’d to suspect the nathur and intentions iv the gandher; an’ some iv them said it was the divil, and more iv them that it was a fairy. Well Terence could not but hear something of what was sayin’, and you may be sure he was not altogether aisy in his mind about it, an’ from one day to another he was gettin’ more ancomfortable in himself, until he detarmined to sind for Jer Garvan, the fairy docthor in Garryowen, an’ it’s he was the ilegant hand at the business, and sorra a sperit id say a crass word to him, no more nor a priest; an’ moreover, he was very great wid ould Terence Mooney, this man’s father that was. So without more about it, he was sent for; an’ sure enough, not long he was about it, for he kem back that very evening along wid the boy that was sint for him; an’ as soon as he was there, an’ tuk his supper, an’ was done talkin’ for a while, he bigined, of coorse, to look into the gandher. Well, he turned it this way an’ that way, to the right and to the left, an’ straight-ways, an’ upside down, an’ when he was tired handlin’ it, says he to Terence Mooney:
“Terence,” says he, “you must remove the bird into the next room,” says he, “an’ put a petticoat,” says he, “or any other convaynience round his head,” says he.
“An’ why so?” says Terence.