Colonel Killiam took breakfast at the "Furlough Club." He perused Mr. Grapewine's note with a majestic condescension, and decided to go to the dinner, where, of course, those present would recognize his superior rank. Each sentence he read was sandwiched between two sips of chocolate, and he reached the latter clause only by slow degrees. When he got that far, the colonel started to his feet and sternly summoned the waiter.
"Ask Major Fobbs to call at my table as soon as he can."
The waiter obeyed, and Major Fobbs followed him back to the colonel's table.
"Major," said the colonel, "will you please spell those words?"
"T-u-r-k-i-s-h b-a-t-h, Turkish bath," read the major.
"Thank heaven, I am still rational!" said the colonel. "I feared reason was dethroned. Thank you, major. Good-day," and Colonel Killiam strode out of the room, rigid with indignation.
Old Mrs. Gildenfenny received her invitation over a breakfast-table that stood against her bedside. The note was handed in by an aged servant, who thereupon leaned over her mistress's shoulder and helped her to read it. Mrs. Gildenfenny was an energetic old lady; but she loved, most of all things in the world, her idle hour in bed of a morning with a smoking meal of hot-cakes and coffee at her elbow. She disliked, most of all things in the world, to be robbed of this comfort, and she hated the being who committed such an offence with a vehemence which was her chief characteristic. The two old women read Mrs. Gildenfenny's note aloud en duet, with now and then a pleased comment. Mrs. Gildenfenny said she would wear her green silk, and gave directions, as she read on, about her shoes, her hair, her linen and twenty articles of her toilet that came into her mind at mention of dining out.
"Lord a-mercy!" says Mrs. Gildenfenny, when she had read a little further; "Lord a-mercy! if I'm not decent, why does he ask me? Why don't he say, at once, 'Please wash yourself before you come; and if you can't afford soap and water, here's a ticket'? Susan, get me up! Dress me right away! I must have this explained."
"But your breakfast, ma'am," says Susan.