69. When Oliver first coined his Money, an old Cavalier looking upon one of the new Pieces, read the Inscriptions, on one Side was God with us, on the other, The Commonwealth of England; I see, said he, God and the Commonwealth are on different Sides.
70. Colonel Bond who had been one of King Charles the First's Judges, dy'd a Day or two before Oliver, and it was strongly reported every where that Cromwell was dead; No, said a Gentleman, who knew better, he has only given Bond to the Devil for his farther Appearance.
71. Mr. Serjeant G—d—r, being lame of one Leg; and pleading before Judge For—e, who has little or no Nose, the Judge told him he was afraid he had but a lame Cause of it: Oh! my Lord, said the Serjeant, have but a little Patience, and I'll warrant I prove every Thing as plain as the Nose on your Face.
72. A Gentleman eating some Mutton that was very tough, said, it put him in Mind of an old English Poet: Being asked who that was; Chau—cer, replied he.
73. A certain Roman-Catholick Lord, having renounced the Popish Religion, was asked not long after, by a Protestant Peer, Whether the Ministers of the State, or Ministers of the Gospel had the greatest Share in his Conversion: To whom he reply'd, that when he renounced Popery he had also renounced auricular Confession.
74. Michael Angelo, in his Picture of the last Judgment, in the Pope's Chappel, painted among the Figures in Hell, that of a certain Cardinal, who was his Enemy, so like, that everybody knew it at first Sight: Whereupon the Cardinal complaining to Pope Clement the Seventh, of the Affront, and desiring it might be defaced: You know very well, said the Pope, I have Power to deliver a Soul out of Purgatory but not out of Hell.
75. A Gentleman being at Dinner at a Friend's House, the first Thing that came upon the Table was a Dish of Whitings, and one being put upon his Plate, he found it stink so much that he could not eat a Bit of it, but he laid his Mouth down to the Fish, as if he was whispering with it, and then took up the Plate and put it to his own Ear; the Gentleman, at whose Table he was, enquiring into the meaning, he told him he had a Brother lost at Sea, about a Fortnight ago, and he was asking that Fish if he knew any thing of him; and what Answer made he, said the Gentleman, he told me, said he, he could give no Account of him, for he had not been at Sea these three Weeks.
I would not have any of my Readers apply this Story, as an unfortunate Gentleman did, who had heard it, and was the next Day whispering a Rump of Beef at a Friend's House.
76. An English Gentleman happening to be in Brecknockshire, he used sometimes to divert himself with shooting, but being suspected not to be qualified by one of the little Welch Justices, his Worship told him, that unless he could produce his Qualification, he should not allow him to shoot there, and he had two little Manors; yes, Sir, said the Englishman, every Body may perceive that, perceive what, cry'd the Welchman? That you have too little Manners, said the other.
77. The Chaplain's Boy of a Man of War, being sent out of his own Ship of an Errand to another; the two Boys were conferring Notes about their Manner of living; how often, said one, do you go to Prayers now, why, answered the other, in Case of a Storm, or any Danger; ay, said the first, there's some Sense in that, but my Master makes us pray when there is no more Occasion for it, than for my leaping over-board.