174. A certain Justice of Peace, not far from Clerkenwell, in the first Year of King George I. when his Clerk was reading a Mittimus to him, coming to Anno Domini 1714, cry'd out, with some warmth, and why not Georgeo Domini, sure, Sir, you forget yourself strangely.
175. A certain Noblem—, a Cour—r, in the Beginning of the late Reign, coming out of the H—se of L—ds, accosts the Duke of B—ham, with, How does your Pot boil, my Lord, these troublesome Times? To which his Grace replied, I never go into my Kitchen, but I dare say the Scum is uppermost.
176. A little dastardly half-witted 'Squire, being once surpriz'd by his Rival in his Mistress's Chamber, of whom he was terribly afraid, desir'd for God's Sake to be conceal'd; but there being no Closet or Bed in the Room, nor indeed any Place proper to hold him, but an India Chest the Lady put her Cloathes in, they lock'd him in there. His Man being in the same Danger with himself, said, rather than fail, he cou'd creep under the Maid's Petticoats: Oh, you silly Dog, says his Master, that's the commonest Place in the House.
177. The Lord N——th and G——y, being once at an Assembly at the Theatre-Royal in the Hay-Market, was pleas'd to tell Mr. H—d—gg—r, he wou'd make him a Present of 100l. if he could produce an uglier Face in the whole Kingdom than his, the said H—d—gg—r's, within a Year and a Day: Mr. H—d—gg—r went instantly and fetch'd a Looking-Glass, and presented it to his Lordship, saying, He did not doubt but his Lordship had Honour enough to keep his Promise.
178. A young Fellow praising his Mistress before a very amorous Acqaintance of his, after having run thro' most of her Charms, he came at Length to her Majestick Gate, fine Air, and delicate slender Waist: Hold, says his Friend, go no lower, if you love me; but by your Leave, says the other, I hope to go lower if she loves me.
179. A Person who had an unmeasurable Stomach, coming to a Cook's Shop to dine, said, it was not his Way to have his Meat cut, but to pay 8d. for his Ordinary; which the Cook seem'd to think reasonable enough, and so set a Shoulder of Mutton before him, of half a Crown Price, to cut where he pleas'd; with which he so play'd the Cormorant, that he devour'd all but the Bones, paid his Ordinary, and troop'd off. The next Time he came, the Cook casting a Sheep's Eye at him, desired him to agree for his Victuals, for he'd have no more Ordinaries. Why, a Pox on you, says he, I'm sure I paid you an Ordinary Price.
180. The extravagant Duke of Buckingham [Villars] once said in a melancholy Humour, he was afraid he should die a Beggar, which was the most terrible Thing in the World; upon which a Friend of his Grace's replyed, No, my Lord, there is a more terrible Thing than that, and which you have Reason to fear, and that is, that you'll live a Beggar.
181. The same Duke another Time was making his Complaint to Sir John Cutler, a rich Miser, of the Disorder of his Affairs, and asked him, what he should do to prevent the Ruin of his Estate? Live as I do, my Lord, said Sir John: That I can do, answered the Duke, when I am ruined.
182. At another Time, a Person who had long been a Dependant on his Grace, begged his Interest for him at Court, and to press the Thing more home upon the Duke, said, He had no Body to depend on but God and his Grace; then, says the Duke, you are in a miserable Way, for you could not have pitch'd upon any two Persons who have less Interest at Court.
183. The old Lord Strangford taking a Bottle with the Parson of the Parish, was commending his own Wine: Here, Doctor, says he, I can send a couple of Ho—Ho—Ho—Hounds to France (for his Lordship had an Impediment in his Speech) and have a Ho—Ho—Ho—Hogshead of this Wi—Wi—Wi—Wine for 'em; What do you say to that, Doctor? Why, I say, your Lordship has your Wine-Dog-cheap.