Ah! I wish she did.
188. A cowardly servant having been hunting with his lord, they had killed a wild boar; the fellow seeing the boar stir, betook himself to a tree; upon which his master called to him, and asked him What he was afraid of? the boar’s guts are out. No matter for that, said he, his teeth are in.
189. One telling another that he had once so excellent a gun, that it went off immediately upon a thief’s coming into the house, although it was not charged. How the devil can that be? said the other. Because, said the first, the thief carried it off; and what was worse, before I had time to charge him with it.
190. Some gentlemen coming out of a tavern pretty merry, a link-boy cried, Have a light, gentlemen? Light yourself to the devil, you dog, said one of the company. Bless you, master, replied the boy, we can find the way in the dark; shall we light your worship thither?
191. A person was once tried at Kingston before the late Lord Chief Justice Holt, for having two wives, where one Unit was to have been the chief evidence against him. After much calling for him, word was brought that they could hear nothing of him. No! says his lordship, why then, all I can say is, Mr. Unit stands for a cipher.
192. It is certainly the most transcendent pleasure to be agreeably surprised with the confession of love from an adored mistress. A young gentleman, after a very great misfortune, came to his mistress, and told her, he was reduced even to the want of five guineas. To which she replied, I am glad of it, with all my heart. Are you so, madam? adds he, suspecting her constancy: Pray, why so? Because, said she, I can furnish you with five thousand.
193. On a public night of rejoicing, when bonfires and illuminations were made, some honest fellows were drinking the king’s health, and prosperity to England as long as the sun and moon endured. Ay, says one, and 500 years after, for I have put both my sons apprentices to a tallow-chandler.
194. A young fellow having made an end of all he had, even to his last suit of clothes, one said to him, Now, I hope, you’ll own yourself a happy man, for you have made an end of all your cares. How so? said the gentleman. Because, said the other, you have nothing left to take care of.