338. In Flanders, by accident, a Flemish tiler falling from the top of a house upon a Spaniard, killed him, though he escaped himself. The next of the blood prosecuted his death with great violence against the tiler; and when he was offered pecuniary recompence, nothing would serve him but lex talionis. Whereupon, the judge said unto him, That if he did urge that kind of sentence, it must be, that he should go up to the top of the same house, and from thence fall down upon the tiler.
339. A lord intended to take in a great part of the common belonging to the town, and he agreed with a carpenter to have it railed in: My lord, said he, it shall be done, and I think I can save you some charges in the business; For, said he, do you but get posts, and I doubt not but all the neighbors round about will find you railing enough.
340. A brave Dutch captain being commanded by his colonel to go on a dangerous exploit against the French, with forces that were unlikely to achieve the enterprise, the captain advised his colonel to send but half so many men: Send but half so many men! why so? said the colonel. Because, replied the captain, they are enough to be knocked on the head.
341. A fellow hearing the drums beat up for volunteers for France, in the expedition against the Dutch, imagined himself valiant enough, and thereupon listed himself; returning again, he was asked by his friends, What exploits he had done there? He said, That he had cut off one of the enemy’s legs; and being told that it had been more honourable and manly to have cut off his head; Oh, said he, you must know his head was cut off before.
342. A person of quality coming into a church, at the place where several of his ancestors were buried, after he had said much in their commendation and praised them for worthy men; Well, said he, I am resolved, if I live, to be buried as near them as possible.
343. An Irishman having been obliged to live with his master some time in Scotland; when he came home again, some of his companions asked him, How he liked Scotland? I will tell you now, said he, I was sick all de while I was dere, and if I had lived dere till this time, I had been dead a year ago.
344. A certain duchess, in a late reign, hearing that a man in a high office, which gave him an opportunity of handling much cash, had married his mistress; Good Lord, said she, that old fellow is always robbing the public.
345. A book being published in Queen Elizabeth’s time that gave her much offence, she asked Bacon if he could find no treason in it? No, madam, said he, but abundance of felony, for the author hath stolen half his conceits out of Tacitus.
346. A young lady being sick, a physician was sent for to feel her pulse; she being very coy, and loth he should touch her skin, pulled her sleeve over her hand; the doctor observing it, took a corner of his coat, and laid it upon the sleeve; at which a lady that stood by wondered: O, madam, said he, a linen pulse must always have a woollen physician.
347. Tom Clarke, of St. John’s, desired a fellow of the same college to lend him Bishop Burnet’s History of the Reformation; the other told him, He could not spare it out of his chamber, but, if he pleased, he might come there and read it all day long. Some time after the same gentleman sent to Tom to borrow his bellows: Tom sent him word, that he could not possibly spare them out of his chamber, but he might come there and use them all day long if he would.