27. A person was saying, not at all to the purpose, that Samson was a very strong man. Ay, said another, but you are much stronger, for you make nothing of lugging him in by the head and shoulders.
28. My Lord Strangford, who stammered very much, was telling a certain bishop that sat at his table, that Balaam’s ass spoke because he was pri—est— Priest-rid, sir, (said a valet-de-chambre, who stood behind the chair,) my lord would say. No, friend, replied the bishop, Balaam could not speak himself, and so his ass spoke for him.
29. The same noble lord asked a clergyman once, at the bottom of his table, why the goose, if there was one, was always placed next to the parson? Really, said he, I can give no reason for it; but your question is so odd, I shall never see a goose, for the future, without thinking of your lordship.
30. A gentleman was asking another how that poor devil S—ge could live, now my Lord T—l had turned him off. Upon his wits, said the other. That is living upon a slender stock indeed, replied the first.
31. A country parson having divided his text under two and twenty heads, one of the congregation went out of the church in a great hurry, and being met by a friend, he asked him, whither he was going? Home for my night-cap, answered the first, for I find we are to stay here all night.
32. A very modest young gentleman, of the county of Tipperary, having attempted many ways in vain to acquire the affections of a lady of great fortune, at last was resolved to try what could be done by the help of music, and therefore entertained her with a serenade under her windows at midnight; but she ordered her servant to drive him hence, by throwing stones at him. Your music, my friend, said one of his companions, is as powerful as that of Orpheus, for it draws the very stones about you.
33. A certain senator, who, it may be, is not esteemed the wisest man in the house, has a frequent custom of shaking his head when another speaks; which, giving offence to a particular person, he complained of the affront; but one who had been long acquainted with him, assured the house, It was only an ill habit he had got, for though he would oftentimes shake his head, there was nothing in it.
34. A gentleman having lent a guinea for two or three days to a person whose promises he had not much faith in, was very much surprised to find, that he punctually kept his word with him; the same gentleman being some time after desirous of borrowing the like sum, No, said the other, you have deceived me once, and I am resolved you shan’t do it a second time.
35. My Lord Chief Justice Holt had sent, by his warrant, one of the French prophets, a foolish sect, that started up in his time, to prison; upon which, Mr. Lacy, one of their followers, came one day to my lord’s house, and desired to speak with him; the servants told him, he was not well, and saw no company that day: But tell him, said Lacy, I must see him; for I come to him from the Lord; which being told the Chief Justice, he ordered him to come in, and asked him his business: I come, said he, from the Lord, who has sent me to thee, and would have thee grant a nolle prosequi for John Atkins, whom thou hast cast into prison. Thou art a false prophet, answered my lord, and a lying knave; for if the Lord had sent thee, it would have been to the Attorney General; he knows it is not in my power to grant a nolle prosequi.
36. Tom B—rn—t happening to be at dinner at my Lord Mayor’s, in the latter part of Queen Anne’s reign, after two or three healths, the ministry was toasted; but when it came to Tom’s turn to drink, he diverted it for some time by telling a story to the person who sat next him; the chief magistrate of the city, not seeing his toast go round, called out, Gentlemen, where sticks the ministry? At nothing, said Tom, and so drank off his glass.