483. A very harmless Irishman, eating an apple-pie with some quinces in it, Arrah now, dear honey, said he, if a few of these quinces give such a flavour, how would an apple-pie taste made all of quinces?

484. The late duke of Wharton, going through Holborn in a hackney coach, with Phil. F—, saw a fellow drumming before the door of a puppet-show; Now, this is a pretty employment, Phil., said the duke; if you were reduced so low, that you were obliged to be either a highwayman or drummer to a puppet-show, which would you choose? Faith, my lord, answered Phil., I would be the highwayman rather than the other. Ay, replied the duke, that confirms the opinion I always had of you, that you have more pride than honesty.

485. Sir T. P. once in parliament brought in a bill that wanted some amendment, which being not attended to by the house, he frequently repeated that he thirsted to mend his bill. Upon which a worthy member got up, and said, Mr. Speaker, I humbly move, since the honourable member thirsts so very much, that he may be allowed to mend his draught. This put the house in such a good humour, that his request was granted.

486. An English gentleman asked Sir Richard Steele, who was an Irishman, What was the reason that his countrymen were so remarkable for blundering and making bulls? Faith, said the knight, I believe there is something in the air of Ireland; and I dare say, if an Englishman was born there he would do the same.

487. A gentleman who was a staunch Whig, disputing with a Jacobite, said, he had two good reasons for being against the interest of the pretender: What are those? said the other. The first, replied he, is, that he is an impostor, not really King James’s son: Why, that, said the Tory, would be a good reason, if it could be proved. And, pray, sir, what is your other? Why, said the Whig, that he is King James’s son.

488. Although the infirmities of nature are not proper subjects to be made a jest of, yet when people take a great deal of pains to conceal what everybody sees, there is nothing more ridiculous: of this sort was old Cross the player, who, being very deaf, did not care anybody should know it. Honest Joe Miller going with a friend one day along Fleet Street, and seeing old Cross on the other side of the way, told his acquaintance he should see some sport; so beckoning to Cross with his finger, and stretching open his mouth as wide as he could, as if he hallooed to him, though he said nothing, the old fellow came puffing from the other side of the way; What the deuce, said he, do you make such a noise for? do you think one can’t hear?

489. There is in Rome a certain broken statue called Pasquin, to which, in the night time, people affix the libels they dare not own; a kind of dumb satire on the vices of the grandees, not sparing even the Pope himself, as may be seen by the following story:—A late Pope, being descended from a very mean family, on his advancement to the holy see, bestowed great preferment on most of his poor relations; whereupon Pasquin, on the next great festival, early in the morning, was observed to have an extremely dirty shirt on, with a scroll of paper in his hand, whereon was written, How now, Pasquin? What! so dirty upon a holiday? and under that his answer: Alas! I have no clean linen, my washerwoman is made a princess.

490. An Irishman and an Englishman falling out, the Hibernian told him if he did not hold his tongue, he would break his impenetrable head and let the brains out of his empty skull!

491. Rogers, when a certain M.P. wrote a review of his poems, and said he wrote very well for a banker, wrote in return, the following:

They say he has no heart, but I deny it: