69. Preventives.
I was married before I was twenty, and eleven months afterwards my first baby was born. During pregnancy I suffered dreadfully from nervousness, very bad legs, occasional neuralgia, and the usual miserable sickness. Indeed, before baby came I felt very bad indeed.
I had a stiff but quite straightforward confinement. My husband worked on the water, and only came home once a week, or how I could have shown a cheerful face every day, and got through my work, I don’t know.
For some months after baby was born I was weak and ill. I nursed her myself, and when she was a year old, I weaned her. When she was a year and nine months old, my second baby was born. I had been through the usual sickness, bad legs, neuralgia, etc., but I had a good confinement. I hoped to get up well; but I can assure you I had the most miserable six months of my life. No physical pain, but extreme weakness, frightened of my own shadow, faintings, feelings that I would die. Indeed, I was almost tired of life. I had continually to go to bed, my head felt a tremendous size, and I felt as though I were floating away.
When this baby was two years and three months old, my first boy was born; I had had a miserable nine months, legs worse than ever, bad cough, sickness, etc., but a good time.
After this, I said to a friend one day, “If only I could feel that this was my last, I would be quite happy.” “Well,” she said, “why don’t you make it your last?” and she gave me advice.
As a result of this knowledge, I had no more babies for four and a half years. In carrying this one, I certainly had the bad legs, which I am likely to keep, but my general health and nerves were much better. My health improved, and people said I looked years younger, and I found life a happy place. I sometimes think that the Great Almighty has heard the poor woman in travail, and shows her a way of rest. I had a fight with my conscience before using a preventative. But I have no qualms now. I feel I have better health to serve my husband and children, and more advantages to give them; while if another comes along, we will hail it with pleasure, as we did our last, instead of looking on it as a burden.
I do think that a great deal of misery is caused by taking drugs. The poor woman feels she will do anything to keep herself “all right.” If only she and her husband also could be taught how to prevent, much good might be done.
I had never resorted to drugs; I was just a simple girl, and my young husband was as simple as myself.