Politics Up To Date is really a critical essay, directed against certain tendencies in political campaigns in the United States, but it is presented in the form of a dialogue between a young politician and an old politician. It is very effective in its satire.
“So you've come to me for advice, have you?” said the Old Politician to the Young Politician. “You want to know how to succeed in politics, do you?”
The Young Politician inclined his head.
“I do,” he replied. “Will you tell me?”
The Old Politician was silent for a moment.
“Times change,” he said at last, “and I dare say there are new issues now in politics that there weren't in the good old days. The technic is somewhat different, too. However, the basic principles remain the same, and, after all, the issues don't really matter; it's what you say about them that counts, and I can tell you what to say about them. Very well, I'll advise you. First of all, if you're running for office in these days, you must run as a hundred-per-cent. American candidate.”
The Young Politician's eye clouded with perplexity.
“What is Americanism,” he asked, “and how does one figure it on a percentage basis?”
The Old Politician brought down his fist on the table with a crash.
“You aspire to political office, and ask questions like that!” he exclaimed in a voice of wrath. “Never question what hundred-per-cent. Americanism is, even to yourself. If you do, somebody else will question, too. Nothing could be more fatal. Don't try to define it; assert it. Say you're hundred per cent. and your opponent isn't. Intimate that if George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln went over your opponent with a slide rule and an adding-machine, they couldn't make him add up to more than ninety-nine per cent. If he's out for a seven-cent fare or a new set of municipal waterworks, tell the people that such things are un-American. Say that he's dodging the issue, and the issue is Americanism.” He paused. “If you were my opponent, and asked what Americanism is, I'd double you up. 'Think of it, my fellow-citizens! He doesn't even know what Americanism is! Is that the kind of man to hold office in the country of Washington and Lincoln?'”