TOO SOLID
Skipper. "Did ye got the proveesions Angus?"
Angus. "Ay, ay! A half loaf, an' fouer bottles o' whiskey."
Skipper. "An' what in the woarld will ye be doin' wi' aal that bread?"
RESIGNATION
Sympathetic Old Gentleman. "I'm sorry to see your husband suffer so, ma'am. He seems very——"
Lady Passenger (faintly). "Oh dear! He isn't my husband. 'Sure I don't know who the ge'tleman is!"