General. "Now, sir, you now have the battalion in quarter column facing south. How would you get into line, in the quickest possible way, facing north-east?"
Tompkins (after much fruitless consideration). "Well, sir, do you know, that's always what I've wondered."
[Report on subaltern officers—bad.
First Miserable Sub (left at the depot). "I can't think, for the life of me, what excuse for two days' leave I'm to give the C. O. I've already weighed in with every one I can think of."
Second M. S. "Easy enough, old chap. Kill your grandmother."
First M. S. "Can't, dear boy. I'm keeping her for the Derby!"