Fair Visitor (with a thirst for military knowledge). "So all the kitchens are behind those buildings. How very interesting! And how many pounds of meat do your men eat a day?"
Gallant Major. "Really—er—I've no—er—idea, I'm sure, don't y'know."
Fair Visitor. "But I thought you were in the provisional battalion!"
Officer (to Irish sentry on guard tent). "Why don't you face your proper front, sentry?"
Sentry. "Sure, yer honour, the tint's round. Divil a front it's got!"