Colonel (who is taking a turn round to see how his subs are getting along with their road sketching). "You know, this won't do. You should be able to ride about the country, and make sketches as you go."
Jones (not getting along at all nicely, thank you). "Well, sir, if I could do that, sir, I should chuck up the army, and join a circus!"
"Couldn't make 'un Speak."
Infuriated C. O. 10th V. B. Mudfordshire Fusiliers (who has ordered bugler to sound the "Cease fire" several times without effect). "Don't you hear me, fellow? Why the deuce don't you sound the 'Cease fire' when I tell you?"
His Bugler. "If ye plaze, zur, a've blowed a quid o' bacca down spout t'ould trumputt, awn I can't make un speak!"