SOMETHING FROM THE PROVINCES
Excursionist (politely). "Can you kindly direct me the nearest way to Slagley?"
Powerful Navvy. "Ah can poonch th' head o' thee!"
[Excursionist retires hastily.
ON THE COLONIAL TOUR
Famous Pianist. "Himmel! how hot it is! I really think I might just have half an inch cut off—just round the nape of my neck you know. Just thinned a little——"
His Agent. "Out of the question, my boy. Remember clause seven in the agreement—'Your hair not to be cut till the last concert in Australia is over'!"